jigokulogs | want a moment to be real [CLOSED]

[Ever since that encounter with Aerith, he's put more pieces together. Of course he doesn't know everything. Which is unfortunate, but she's very good at playing the same game as him -- the dance of only giving a little when trying to get something from others.

He might have underestimated that from her before, but not now.

Cloud on the other hand is different, partly due to Sephiroth creeping inside his head. Sephiroth knows how to push just the right buttons and guide him to get what he wants ... mostly. He still fails when they ultimately engage in battle but a lot of that goes back to him having some sort of weird complex when dealing with Cloud.

Sephiroth shows up in the alley much like a looming darkness encompassing the area. He let Cloud wait slightly longer than normal just for added frustration.

And when he approaches? He does so slowly, evenly. So very casually.]

Good, Cloud. Very good. You didn't let fear take hold. Is it easier for you to walk through the flames of your past now?

[That's not what he came here to talk about, but he can't help but be dramatic in his entrance.]

Was just about to leave, considering how long you were holding me up.

[ It's an empty bluff, considering the topic at hand, and they both knew it. But he wasn't about to let Sephiroth think his time was unlimited. He turned to face the man, one hand dropping down to his side, the other resting comfortably on one hip. ]

[ Cloud has gotten better about facing his past. And that's not entirely undue to Sephiroth, forcing him through the flames of Nibelheim again. But it's more thanks to the close shave in Kaigo no Bou that really unlocked things for him. He knows there are missing pieces - knows there are other things he needs to confront Sephiroth about - maybe even he can try and get some of those answers here. But- ]

My past isn't why we're both here, is it? [ He was going to wear his impatience like armor. ] Or have you forgotten the reason I even agreed to meet you here in the first place?

Oh I remember quite well why we're meeting.

[But that doesn't mean he's not going to make this easy either. The fact that he can just dangle bits in pieces in front of Cloud makes this all too good of an opportunity to pass up.]

However -- Your past is like a shadow scorched upon your heart, so no matter what we discuss it'll always be there.

[He moves in closer to shorten the distance between them. Not for any particular reason, that's just how he is. And invading Cloud's personal space is what he does.]

The moment we came to talk about is another that will stay with you forever. A scar deeper than that caused by any blade.

Probably once of the few times we'll agree, then. [ There was no going back from Nibelheim. For either of them. They both knew it. Cloud's anger for the man was too deep, and Sephiroth's own madness started there, after all. It would always come back to that fateful day at Nibelheim, for them. ]

[ He studies Sephiroth, closely. Sephiroth didn't lie, but the way he phrased things intentionally agitated Cloud. Always keen to leave his mark, to remind Cloud just how much he couldn't escape him. But here, there's a candor - which puts Cloud's stomach into knots as he speaks the next words. ]

You're talking about something that will happen. Not something that has already happened.

[ There's something nagging about the whole exchange. It's something Cloud can't put his finger on. A sense of remembrance, but of something that hadn't happened yet. It's not the first time it's come up, with Sephiroth. But it's the first time he's felt it this keenly. Strongly enough he's aware of the sensation. ]

Something that happens to Aerith... or rather... it's already happened, where you come from.

[There it is. Sephiroth gives Cloud a look, it's not quite a smile, but it's not really a smirk either. He's finally catching on. It's all coming together like a massive puzzle. Though all the pieces don't seem to fit exactly right.]

You're the one who almost does it, you know.

[He begins, gesturing towards Cloud.]

Your blade came so close. A few more steps and that would have been it. Still, the guilt consumes you. Eats away at your heart sending you into a darkness you never quite crawl out of.

[Considering how deep Cloud fell with it in general, Sephiroth wonders just how it would have turned out had he been the one to cast his blade to her. Perhaps the outcome of their story would be very different if Cloud never managed to break free of his control.]

You were unable to save her. You could only watch.

[ Cloud tries to interject. He takes a step forward. ]

What are you-

[ The words die in his throat. As soon as he takes a step, the hissing noise invades his head, bringing with it an ominous ringing. Cloud's eyes shoot wide, and then they half-close, as he holds his head and winces.

She's praying. His blade is in his hands. There's a flash. People yelling. A materia clatters to the ground. He hears it, but doesn't look for it. His eyes are burning, his hands are tingling, his mouth is dry.

Something boils to the surface - a rage, inarticulate, heavy. Another flash. She's in the water, floating, peacefully, dreamlike. Sinking down below.

Another flash. A different memory. Sephiroth's voice ringing in his ears. "So, you've failed again, I see. But through suffering, you will grow strong... isn't that what you want?"

There's something there. Something he's holding onto, even if he can't process why - not through the ringing in his ears, the thrumming in his chest. He feels as if the veins in his arms are threatening to split off from his skin, for blood to come pouring out of him, unable to take the pressure of this moment. The darkness creeps at the edges of his suddenly blurry vision. His breath comes in, rattling. His trembling hands clench. ]

There's no way- there's no way I would do that to her. How could I- How could I have ever done that!?

[ There's no refutation of what Sephiroth's saying. Even in the panic settling over Cloud, he knows Sephiroth doesn't lie. Dresses the truth to hurt him, certainly. But lying isn't something Sephiroth has ever concerned himself with. He looks at him - scared, but defiant, angry, but on the verge of tears he didn't realize were starting to well. A phantom memory of a future time digging into him like a wound from ages past. ]

Edited 2022-08-12 06:03 (UTC)

[There's something in the way Cloud crumbles so easily at the thought of losing his friends. Sephiroth has nothing to lose anymore (though that's not completely true), so clinging to such fragile ideas is rather pitiful to him. But it also makes pushing Cloud's buttons ever so satisfying.

He's going to dangle just more and more tidbits of information like breadcrumbs to be followed and leave Cloud wanting more while never fully satisfying him.

Sephiroth can't wait to get to the rest.]

You barely know yourself, but I do. I know what's in your heart. And you never forgive yourself for that moment, even for years to come. It haunts you. Your biggest and greatest failure.

[Sephiroth looks at Cloud with a slight tilt of his head.]

What would you give to change that?

[He has the answers and he could give them. The what, where, why, when. But Cloud has to earn it first. Maybe beg some more.]

You...

[ He can feel his blood pressure rising. The steady thrum of anger in his eardrums and his chest. A brief flash of pain is the only thing that makes him aware that his numb fingers have dug into his palm on one hand. He felt cornered - Sephiroth had all the answers. Or at least, it certainly seemed that way.

Because he's right. If that is what happened, if what happened is what truly happened... Cloud would never forgive himself. He would never be able to look at himself in a mirror. The idea that she wouldn't make it to the end of their journey - it was just... unthinkable. He couldn't contemplate it.

And yet... hasn't there always been some sort of trepidation with Aerith? He had remembered she always seemed hesitant, in some ways. Did she...?

Something hits him as his eyes dilate in the panic. As his thoughts jump from one track to another. "Your biggest and greatest failure."

You've failed again, I see. But through suffering, you will grow strong...

"What would you give to change that?"

...isn't that what you want?

There had been something weird with Sephiroth - Cloud remembers now. He hadn't quite understood what Cloud had meant, back when he had first arrived. The meeting on the Expressway. There was still... ]

This is what you meant, then? When you... appeared to me.

After the plate fell.

[ His eyes need to be focused on Sephiroth now. He's thrown that out there. There's something about this that isn't adding up — there has to be. He's desperate for anything, beyond the truth as Sephiroth tells it. ]

[For a very brief second Sephiroth actually hesitates, his mind trying to wrap itself around Cloud's words. To seek out the memory he's speaking of, but this is again like their conversation before and the one he had with Aerith.

Another event, another change, something different. It's becoming more and more clear each time. More pieces for this puzzle, but he's not going to give in so easily. Though he wonders if Aerith mentioned their conversation from before. It almost seems like she might not have, and that's interesting.]

You aren't answering the question, Cloud.

[Though neither is Sephiroth really as he's avoiding giving away he has no idea what Cloud is talking about. He moves, shifting to the side as though he's going to circle around Cloud.]

What would you give to change her destiny?

[What would Sephiroth give to change his? He's found strength in his situation, but if he could do something to change everything that happened, would he? He's not sure.]

[ As Sephiroth moves, so does Cloud, moving to the space Sephiroth vacates. It's instinctual, the two now pacing around each other. Cloud's heart hammering in his chest. He can feel his hands shaking more, unable to quell the shakes — not just from anger, but the tremors in his hands, lingering symptoms of how close Cloud came to death at Kaigo no Bou. ]

[ Even through the haze of panic clouding his judgment, Cloud can tell Sephiroth wants an answer to this question. He wants to hear Cloud say it with his own lips. If that's her fate, he would do anything to change it. But if he says it... he can't take it back. It'll be something Sephiroth holds against him for the rest of their time in hell. ]

[ There was a beat, before he forced the issue, though. Sephiroth took great glee in knowing the best ways to pressure Cloud. To that end, the man didn't give him a moment to breathe, unless it was to draw out the agonizing answer. ]

[ If he backs off, he loses this chance. There is something here. He isn't just imagining it. ]

You aren't answering mine, either. [ His throat sounds dry, and he practically exhales the words in a shaky breath. There's a fear welling up as he presses the issue. A bone-deep familar fear, visions of Nibelheim in the back of his mind. ]

This is what you meant when the plate fell. [ No, he has to take it a step further. ]

...Or do you not remember?

[ Cloud will explore every avenue he can before he admits the truth to Sephiroth. It'd be as good as letting the man take up residence in his head even more than he already had. ]

Edited 2022-08-23 04:02 (UTC)

[There's something amusing in the way Cloud moves as he does. Almost mirroring each other just so he can keep his distance. Is it fear or something else? Hard to tell these days.

He pauses his movements as Cloud presses the question. Eyes narrow slightly. This is the bridge they're going to have to cross. He has some knowledge from Aerith already, which makes him believe it is the same with Cloud, though until he crosses over he'll won't be sure.

Looks his game of eluding the subject is over.]

No, it is not something I don't remember, Cloud. It is something, for me, that never happened.

[And the bridge is crossed.]

Never happened...?

[ Somewhere, it clicks for Cloud, suddenly. The Whispers. Sephiroth's involvement. It cuts through the panic coldly, a shred of reason piercing his distress. Sephiroth knew the future. Knew it so precisely that there was not real question of what he knew. But things that had happened to Cloud never happened from his perspective.

He remember what was said about the Whispers. They were there to keep life on its chosen course. Arbiters of fate. Why was Sephiroth so involved with the Whispers? Cloud has his suspicions. But he's smart enough not to voice them here, in front of Sephiroth. ]

[ The man can see Cloud start to get a grip on his panic. Wielding it like he wields any sword. A defiant glint in his gaze. Sephiroth admitting to it was easier than he expected. Maybe there was a trick to that, but... ]

So what you're saying is... just because it happened that way from your perspective... doesn't mean it'll happen for us.

[ He finds his tongue and he lashes out with Sephiroth. He can't deny the validity of what Sephiroth knows, but he can deny that just because he knows what happened for him, that it'll happen the same way for him... and for Aerith. ]

I imagine the future can always be changed, if you're strong enough to defy fate -- to go against destiny.

[Which is neither a confirmation or a denial of what Cloud said. Things are already changing from what he's gathered. Why or the cause doesn't matter. Aerith spoke about the whispers and what they were trying to do.

Fate wants to stay the same, but the fact that some events are different means it can at least be bent. Sephiroth wants to find out more about this as it opens a lot of possibilities.]

But you need to know what will happen if you want to make sure you're on a different path.

Is that so?

[ Cloud's eyes are narrowed, once again. Every conversation with Sephiroth felt like he had to measure out just what he was willing to say, what he wasn't. And oftentimes what he didn't want to say, Sephiroth already knew. It had put him on a decided backfoot in all their conversations before — and now was no exception. ]

And why do I suspect you're not just giving me this information out of the kindness of your heart?

[ But now felt a little more even. Now that he understood. Sephiroth was from a future... but not the future. Things had happened differently for them. That didn't make Sephiroth any less dangerous, but it did mean, in some ways, that Cloud didn't have to always play by the same tune. ]

...Why tell me all this?

[Because he's curious about what Cloud will do with the information. He's also highly curious about a past that's being changed. He wants to know more and he knows he'll have to give some in order to gain in return.

He's fine sharing bits of information.]

Because it's what you want. This is the one guilt that will haunt your heart for the rest of your days. The one thing you'll never forgive yourself for. The one thing you'd do anything to change.

[He holds out his hand, but it's more symbolic than anything else.]

That's why I offer it. As a gift.

[ Cloud doesn't take it. And Sephiroth wasn't expecting him to. His fists ball up, quietly. As he tries to stew on it. He's sure there's other reasons. But maybe the information is enough — to see him squirm. But Cloud is going to try and make the most of it. Try and figure out what he can do, knowing all this. He can't — won't — let Sephiroth win. ]

...Don't think this means anything between us has changed. I still don't trust you.

[ He grits his teeth. Sephiroth may be honest, but it doesn't mean he has to play to the man's tune. ]

Whatever it is you get out of this... I'll stop it, too. It and what happens to Aerith.

[ If nothing else, it keeps him driven, keeps him hungry, keeps him ready to continue the fight. ]

I don't expect you to trust me, Cloud.

[They are bound by hatred between them. If Cloud didn't feel the same intense hatred ... well, then that might be a problem. But clearly not one he needs to worry about any time soon.]

But you also know that I'm not lying. And I know you'll try to be the hero you always wanted to be. One day maybe you'll get there.

[After he goes through more suffering. The two of them are the same in that too. Their pain makes them stronger.]

want a moment to be real [CLOSED]

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[warning for ff7 spoilers starts here]

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