jigokulogs | September 2022 Mingle!

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The influx of fresh Lost Souls means the factions need to have a little welcoming party for them. So some recreational activities are in order. All Lost Souls will receive a message from their respective faction leaders with orders to go have some fun.

Shuten - WEENIES ON PARADE

Shuten Clan newbies will be summoned to the Arena, which has been set up with a very different kind of fight than usual. The members of the Shuten Clan do nothing by half-measures. Partying, drinking, and eating are all encouraged to excess. This time they're inviting new recruits to test their mettle in various eating contests. You'll need nerves of steel and a stomach of iron to succeed. Hot dogs, marshmallows, pizza, lobster rolls, breakfast cereals, rice, and more are all on offer.

See how much you can eat and try not to get sick! Competitive eating is a messy, disgusting affair, regardless of the emergency buckets stationed strategically throughout the building.

If you're feeling especially ballsy, you can take on the biggest onis and other youkai by teaming up with your fellow Shutens. They're all confident enough to take that bet.

Glory, prize money, and antacids to the winners. Shame to the losers – they'll be run through town in weenie costumes.

Better eat up 🙂

Tamamo - ALL NIGHT LONG

The newest Tamamo recruits are summoned to a local gymnasium. Strangely, rather than sports equipment laid out on the court, there are a number of light futons, blankets, and pillows. Everyone will be sorted into one of two yukata patterns – one purple and one blue – and sent to their respective sides of the court to lie down in bed and pull up the covers.

It is then that the referee will explain the rules of competitive pillow fighting. When the whistle blows, jump up and grab one of the authorized pillows at the center of the court. It's a game much like dodgeball, but the goal is to hit the opposing team's king with a pillow from your half of the court. Team members use blankets and sometimes their bodies to protect their king.

There will be a few rounds, and you can rotate who is king at your discretion. Protect them with your life! Or whatever. Star players will receive a bonus and a coupon to one of the best Tamamo spas.

When the competitive stuff is done, the sleepover proper will begin. There will be liquor, sodas, and light snacks for everyone while movies are projected onto a screen late into the morning. The movies range from classic dramas and romances to outrageous yokai comedies.

Sutoku - GROSSERY GANG

The Alliance has found themselves in the possession of an entire truckload's worth of reject children's toys. Ever the opportunist, the Daitengu has assigned the project of inventorying and trashing the particularly offensive ones to the new guys.

Of course, you're expected to play with a few of them as well. Maybe one of them is decently fun, and they could sell the rest, you know? Many of these toys are gross out bathroom humor in nature, and spit water randomly at anyone who loses their round. The Daitengu has thoughtfully provided a selection of alcohol to make this game a little more adult friendly. Toys that lack the appropriate spitting mechanism can still be played over shots, really, go nuts.

While you 'work', there will be plenty of motivating music piped into the warehouse. The sound quality is not great, but they tried?

Everyone who sorts through a decent amount of toys will get a little extra pay, although who is really paying that much attention to who's doing what here?

Credit where it's due: We turned kids toys into drinking games

Enma - BREAKING THE ICE

Welcome to the Department of the Enma. New Lost Soul recruits will be summoned to a large conference room in Kaigo no Bou, which has been outfitted with a variety of buffet table offerings and tables which seat between 5 - 6 people comfortably. You are invited to fill your plates at your discretion, the craft services people are used to feeding bottomless yokai stomachs and the food will not run out.

Clipboards with a variety of icebreaker questions have been provided at each table. The pens have assuredly been firmly affixed to the clipboard. Please return them together.

Every 30 minutes Captain Shiki will blow her whistle to signal that you are to migrate to another table with fresh companions. You are, indeed, being forced to get to know your coworkers, lucky you. This isn't tedious at all.

Pick a few of the questions below to answer, and get chatting. Or Captain Shiki may come over to stare at you with intense disapproval. You can't get away with just zoning out to that sweet smooth jazz playing overhead!

1. If you had a time machine that would work only once, what point in the future or in history would you visit? 2. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go? 3. If your house was burning down, what three objects would you try and save? 4. If you could talk to any one person now dead or alive, who would it be and why? 5. If you HAD to give up one of your senses (hearing, seeing, feeling, smelling, tasting) which would it be and why? 6. If you were an animal, what would you be and why? 7. Do you have a pet? If not, what sort of pet would you like? 8. Name a gift you will never forget? 9. Name one thing you really like about yourself. 10. What's your favorite thing to do in the summer? 11. Who's your favorite cartoon character, and why? 12. Does your name have a special meaning and/or were you named after someone special? 13. What is the hardest thing you have ever done? 14. If you are at a friend's or relative's house for dinner and you find a dead insect in your salad, what would you do? 15. What was the best thing that happened to you this past week? 16. If you had this week over again, what would you do differently? 17. What is the first thing that comes to mind when you think about 'God'? 18. What's the weirdest thing you've ever eaten? 19. If you could change one problem in the world today, what would you like to change? 20. What book, movie or video have you seen/read recently you would recommend? Why?

All Factions - THE GIFT OF SONG

Did you all enjoy having some of your wishes granted? Well, so did a flock of those annoying magpie! They asked for the gift of music. These feathered nuisances, however, have fallen in love with an old school metal band. That is all they will be singing for the foreseeable future! Different members of the flock have taken up different instrumentals and vocals for the track, spread out across electrical wires and rooftops, singing their favorite rockin' tune to the skies!

Lost Souls have been asked to please catch them and get them to knock it off, they are truly annoying everyone, across all factions.

Should you catch these musical magpies, and not one of the other clans, they will tell you their sorry tale! They love this band, but the group broke up years ago. All the magpie want is for their favorite old dudes to be reunited to jam with them, one more time!

The old dudes are out there in the city, but who knows why they broke up and if they can even be convinced out of retirement. Good luck, if you succeed your boss will give you a favorable bonus, which would be a great boon to a newbie just getting settled.

In the meantime:

Shabadabadia
Shabadabadia
Babababa
Babababa
Babababa

Welcome to the IC mingle!

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Seems like bullshit, but Kojirou will play along for the moment. ]

And how do you propose we discover this cause?

[ Because he's definitely not putting any more birds into the robot's hands. ]

Interogation will most likely yield the best results. There must be a reason for this.

[People...well, birds don't just SING for NO REASON surely. His machine brain can't comprehend even the possibility.]

Do you expect to extract any meaningful reason for why a bird sings? This song only noteworthy because it is particularly loud and we can understand the words, but otherwise singing is simply what the magpie does.

[ Besides, does Sonic even speak bird? Sure, they're singing in Japanese, but do they even know what the words mean? ]

Mission parameters are the song must cease. If they cannot be reasoned with then there must be some method of ensuring success.

[He pauses, because even he realises how that sounds.]

...and as previously mentioned, it would be a mismanagement of time and resources to undertake extermination with so little to work with.

[Really!! He means it this time!! You can rely on machine logic be moral as a consequence of efficiency.]

They do not speak sense, and killing all of them is, at the very least, not realistic.

[ That does seem to be the long and short of it, unless Metal Sonic is secretly a crack slingshot user and isn't letting anyone know about it. Probably wouldn't be eating dirt if he had any ranged weapons worth speaking of though. ]

There is a saying where I come from, where misbehaving children will simply calm down when they're hungry. If you wish for the song to stop, would it not make sense to simply wait them out?

[ Birds acting up are, by and large, a natural phenomenon. A wise man builds a house that can withstand a storm, but a smart man knows not to start building while the wind is blowing. ]

Or do you have an idea on how to appease them?

[ Probably not, considering he just killed one. ]

We will find another. A round of questioning ought to settle this.

[I DISLIKE YOUR WORDS FUNNY MAGIC MAN. Sayings are for humans and their imperfect organic brains.]

Everything has a reason.

A bird simply is. Perhaps for a karakuri like yourself something that is not purpose made might seem like a foreign idea, but most of the things in nature act on instinct and whim.

[ Including too many humans, if he was being honest. ]

But if you insist, we shall catch another of these magpies and you can ask your questions. Stand there.

My name is Sonic. Cease referring to me by that foreign designation.

[He doesn't care if it's a good or bad term, he's here to steal sonic's identity.]

[Surprisingly however, he does as Kojirou says and stands in the designated spot.

Less work for him, hey.]

If you insist. I have been called "Assassin."

[ What is even in a name, anyway?

Kojirou, Assassin-class Servant, looks around for the nearest living magpie, and having identified his target, starts walking towards it.

He walks slowly, casually, quietly eliminating all trace of his own killing intent, the je nais se quois that most animals flee from, until he is right behind the magpie, maneuvering into its blind spot.

Then he kneels down and picks it up, the bird still singing in his hand as he returns to Metal Sonic. ]

You had a question?

How did you do that.

[Okay, not directed at the bird. He's genuinely curious how this farmer vibes stuff works.]

A wild animal is a creature of instinct. They fly towards food and flee from danger. They simply do not detect any danger from me.

[ Simple. Right? Easiest thing in the world. ]

...................................

Why are you disrupting the peace with this song.

[Yeah he ignores Kojirou how the hell can a stupid bird detect danger without some cool hi-tech scanner or something.

Unsurprisingly the bird pauses to look at Metal before resuming its song.]

Why now.

[It does not pause this time.]

Is it truly a mystery why the songbird sings?

[ As far as Kojirou is concerned they simply do. The only problem is that now their song has lyrics. And instruments. Background noise has become foreground noise. ]

I have heard of a warlord who would kill the songbird for not singing, but certainly not one who would kill it for acting on its nature.

[HE'LL KILL THIS BIRD FOR BEING UNCOOPERATIVEEEEEEEEE]

[Except he won't. There might be a spike of killing intent or something, but Metal stands completely still the same way he was when he tried questioning it.

And if there was a spike it dies down in like two seconds.

See? He's trying.]

You ask it.

[Mr bird friend man]

Very well. [ Kojirou turns to the bird in his hand, which had gotten just a bit jumpy at the flare of killing intent. ] Why are you so obsessed with this song?

[ The bird speaks Japanese just fine, but its syntax is quite simple. Eventually the story does come out though: Their favourite band had disbanded and they just really like this song so they're singing it instead. ]

Does that satisfy you, Mr Sonic?

Hardly. What am I meant to do, reunite the band?

[THAT'S ASKING A BIT MUCH.

Maybe the extinction plan was better after all.]

That would certainly work.

[ Finding three old guys and getting them to sing or genocide, which is easier?

Honestly, up in the air. ]

I am not going to do that.

[He is going to leave instead. Abruptly. Bye]

September 2022 Mingle!

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