jigokulogs | August catchall.

[He missed her so much. She would have been alright here. No one would make her do anything. He would earn enough to feed and house them both. It may not be Koi tower but a comfortable life nonetheless. It was part of the reason he was working so hard.

He squeezed back gently, feeling her soft hand in his own.]

She did.

How have you been my dear? I know you have been promoted. Are you adjusting well to life as an Enma? I feel like it has been a bit since I’ve last seen you.

It's a lot of responsibility and dealing with difficult people. Both in and out of the faction. Getting information out of people isn't really what I specialized in at home. But I think it's good for me to have that practice.

[ She's just tired. ]

[He hummed sympathetically. He reached out to rub her shoulders.]

Did you want to move somewhere quieter? We can talk and relax if you like. If you want any advice on handling different types of people I can help as well. I had to deal with the pains of leadership for many many years now.

[He squeezed her hand as well.]

I think it is as well. You seem rather straightforward and learning to present your authority is important.

You always have such good advice. I'd appreciate it.

[ It really was reassuring. At his touch her shoulders released the tension she din't even know she had. She then stood to find a place for them to go. As much as she didn't want him to stop there could be more of that in private. ]

I am happy if my experience could help you on your journey. You know I am always happy to help you.

[He really liked her. Both her forthright nature and their similarities. He would happily follow her to thier destination, perhaps holding her hand in his own.]

I am sorry that it has all been so stressful on you.

[ It was nice to hold his hand. She liked to be seen with him and known as not only one of his patrons but a friend as well. She finds them a suitable room and makes her way to the bed. When she takes a seat she leaves plenty of room for her companion and his tails. ]

I just need a break every once in a while then I can get back to it at my best.

[He sat down next to her, taking off his slippers and curling his feet under him. He turned to gently brush his fingers through her hair.]

That is completely understandable, my dear. Did you want me to massage down your shoulders?

[He didn't mind doing this for her, even as a friend. Though he bit his lower lip in thought.]

Do you mind if I ask you something?

That would be nice.

[ She was already taking her outer layer off. For now they had some peace and quiet to enjoy each other's company. That sounded like a good way to spend time to her. Perhaps he needed a break from all the excitement too and this provided an excuse to get away. She nodded at his question. ]

Of course. You can ask me anything.

[He took a breath and let it out, slowly. What if she didn't want to be his friend because she was so disgusted by him?]

I know I seem like I know what I'm doing a lot of time when it comes to having sex. But in all truth. I am pretty broken. I've only been with one person before here and it was when I was young.

And something terrible happened and I never did things again. I tried to make myself recently. But I can't seem to. I get so uncomfortable. I don't know what to do.

[ That was surprising to hear. He had been someone that had really helped her feel comfortable with her own sexuality. And then there was the reputation of his faction. She hardly felt qualified to give advice. But if he wanted someone to listen she could do that much for him. He meant so much to her. ]

I'm so sorry. Take your time. If there's something you need I'll do anything in my power.

[It was hard to talk about it. Terrifying really. But he was going to try. He took a breath and let it out.]

I... The last person I had sex with was my wife. It was before we were married. I impregnated her. Her mother came to me right around the time we were to be wed and told me an awful truth. That we were half-siblings and that my father had raped her. It was already too late...

I did the only thing I could. I married her so she and our child could be safe. But I never did anything again. And there is a part of me that feels disgusting.

[ It was a lot. She recognized he must have trusted her to speak of this kind of thing. It was understandable why he wouldn't mention that he had been married when it was tied up with these things. For a moment she was quiet. There was a sick feeling in her stomach to know that all this happened to him and he suffered in silence for years. She didn't pull away. Instead she looked back at him and placed her hand over his. ]

I may not be able to even imagine how it feels but I don't think you're disgusting.

[There were tears in his eyes from the gentle touch. His instinct that this was a friend he could truly trust was correct. He leaned against her ]A few weeks before I died, she found out the truth about us. She ended her life by taking a knife that I was holding.

I feel so guilty about it all. I was a curse to her. If we had waited we wouldn't have been married and she could have lived happily with another.

I guess I'm still processing all of it. And I pushed myself to be what they wanted me to be. To be sexually free and available to others. I even tried to push myself to be a good lover to Huaisang but neither of us is ready for that.

What I wanted to ask you, as a friend and not a courtesan, is if you would be willing to try and practice things with me. I trust you and I think I need to do that type of thing with someone I trust deeply.

I want to be able to be a sexual person again. I want it to stop scaring me so much.

[ It was hard to hear that his story only got more tragic. She took a deep breath and then gathered his head up against her chest resting hers on top. There were no words. She just held him like that. It was a complicated situation that needed to be handled with care. She was honored to be deemed right for that role. He knew how inexperienced she was so if he was looking for that he would have found someone else. She would do her best for him with what she had learned. It was good to hear him confirm that he wanted this for himself and not as a result of outside pressure. ]

We can practice together. Whatever you're comfortable with.

[He appreciated the comfort. Inexperience didn't matter to him as much as trust did. He let the emotions leave him in some soft sobs. He really was not done mourning her. Even though that has not been husband and wife on the strictly marital term in a long time, they were still partners in all other things. Running Jinlintai like a finely tuned clock.]

Thank you so much. I just wanted you to have the full picture before you agreed to anything with me.

[There was comfort in being held like this as well. And trust was to allow himself to be held without having to worry about service.]

I am so grateful for your friendship.

[ Even privately his confessions didn't make her think less of him. Though she had never been married she had experienced loss of a loved one. She wanted to be there for him asking nothing in return. This was something she was more than willing to help him through however long it took. She stroked his hair as he sobbed against her. It was easier to show him her care than to find just the right words. ]

I'll let you direct how you want to do everything. Is that alright?

[He sat up a little bit and nodded. This was alright. It would be alright to do things with a friend he cared for and respected as a person.]

Alright.

Perhaps, would it be alright if we started by being undressed and just holding one another? I can rub your shoulders if you like.

[It wasn't as if he was wearing all that much except for jewelry, loose-fitting pants, and scarves.]

I do need to take my makeup off.

Take your time.

[ She nodded. There would be no complaints if he still wanted to rub her shoulders. He was good at what he did. She pulled away so he could work on his makeup while she undressed. His idea sounded reasonable. A good way to get more comfortable. They may have already gone further than that but this was crossing something of a different boundary. ]

Alright.

[He took the wipes out of his makeup bag and began to clean his face, adding his moisturizer afterward. He then began to undress, placing his jewelry on the dresser in a pile and folding his clothing neatly on it. His body was much the same, scarred but he had grown more tone and well muscled under the rigorous dance training he was under.]

I think I may need to take a quick rinse in the shower. I ended up sweating a lot during my performance. Those lights are really hot. Did you wish to join? I can wash your hair if you like.

That would be nice. I have to admit I've wondered how you manage with all those tails.

[ It could help to have something else to focus on. She always found showers relaxing. Leaving her clothes behind she followed him to the bathroom. Knowing this faction they probably spared no expense on fine scented products. ]

It certainly takes a while. But for occasions like this, when I just want to wash my body, I have these coverings they make specifically for Kitsune.

[With that he brought out nine tail-shaped shower caps. They were cute and pink with purple plum blossoms and a cartoon fox on them. It was amazing what one could find that catered to different youkai needs. He stretched back and began to fasten them on. Okay, they may look a little silly but he wouldn't have to spend three hours blowdrying them.]

[ That's an explanation she wasn't expecting. It really was adorable. She couldn't hide her giggle. When he brought out something like that it was hard for the mood not to lighten a little bit. Perhaps it was the change from how he typically presented himself. ]

That's very clever.

[He didn't mind her laughter, it was a really sweet sound. He did a playful dramatic turn to show them off for her, smiling sincerely.]

I know that they look a bit silly but they work well. And I won't have to spend time drying them. It takes so long and the whole room will smell like a wet fox.

[He moved to the bathroom and turned on the shower, allowing it to get warm enough. Without his heeled shoes, he was certainly shorter than her but he didn't mind. He leaned up to kiss her check gently.]

I can wash your hair if you like.

[ She wasn't sure what that would smell like. Probably not as nice as he usually smelled. She tilted her cheek to allow him to kiss then turned to face away from him. Her hair stuck out in several directions making any attempts at styling a challenge but shouldn't have been a problem if they were only washing it today. ]

You know, my first time with Gojyo was in the shower.

Oh.

[Oh my. She was as forthright as ever. This illicited a little giggle from him.]

I hope A-Jing treated you right? Did you have fun?

August catchall.

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[cw. talks of sexual trauma, rape and accidental incest ahead.]

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