jigokulogs | August catchall.

[There were tears in his eyes from the gentle touch. His instinct that this was a friend he could truly trust was correct. He leaned against her ]A few weeks before I died, she found out the truth about us. She ended her life by taking a knife that I was holding.

I feel so guilty about it all. I was a curse to her. If we had waited we wouldn't have been married and she could have lived happily with another.

I guess I'm still processing all of it. And I pushed myself to be what they wanted me to be. To be sexually free and available to others. I even tried to push myself to be a good lover to Huaisang but neither of us is ready for that.

What I wanted to ask you, as a friend and not a courtesan, is if you would be willing to try and practice things with me. I trust you and I think I need to do that type of thing with someone I trust deeply.

I want to be able to be a sexual person again. I want it to stop scaring me so much.

[ It was hard to hear that his story only got more tragic. She took a deep breath and then gathered his head up against her chest resting hers on top. There were no words. She just held him like that. It was a complicated situation that needed to be handled with care. She was honored to be deemed right for that role. He knew how inexperienced she was so if he was looking for that he would have found someone else. She would do her best for him with what she had learned. It was good to hear him confirm that he wanted this for himself and not as a result of outside pressure. ]

We can practice together. Whatever you're comfortable with.

[He appreciated the comfort. Inexperience didn't matter to him as much as trust did. He let the emotions leave him in some soft sobs. He really was not done mourning her. Even though that has not been husband and wife on the strictly marital term in a long time, they were still partners in all other things. Running Jinlintai like a finely tuned clock.]

Thank you so much. I just wanted you to have the full picture before you agreed to anything with me.

[There was comfort in being held like this as well. And trust was to allow himself to be held without having to worry about service.]

I am so grateful for your friendship.

[ Even privately his confessions didn't make her think less of him. Though she had never been married she had experienced loss of a loved one. She wanted to be there for him asking nothing in return. This was something she was more than willing to help him through however long it took. She stroked his hair as he sobbed against her. It was easier to show him her care than to find just the right words. ]

I'll let you direct how you want to do everything. Is that alright?

[He sat up a little bit and nodded. This was alright. It would be alright to do things with a friend he cared for and respected as a person.]

Alright.

Perhaps, would it be alright if we started by being undressed and just holding one another? I can rub your shoulders if you like.

[It wasn't as if he was wearing all that much except for jewelry, loose-fitting pants, and scarves.]

I do need to take my makeup off.

Take your time.

[ She nodded. There would be no complaints if he still wanted to rub her shoulders. He was good at what he did. She pulled away so he could work on his makeup while she undressed. His idea sounded reasonable. A good way to get more comfortable. They may have already gone further than that but this was crossing something of a different boundary. ]

Alright.

[He took the wipes out of his makeup bag and began to clean his face, adding his moisturizer afterward. He then began to undress, placing his jewelry on the dresser in a pile and folding his clothing neatly on it. His body was much the same, scarred but he had grown more tone and well muscled under the rigorous dance training he was under.]

I think I may need to take a quick rinse in the shower. I ended up sweating a lot during my performance. Those lights are really hot. Did you wish to join? I can wash your hair if you like.

That would be nice. I have to admit I've wondered how you manage with all those tails.

[ It could help to have something else to focus on. She always found showers relaxing. Leaving her clothes behind she followed him to the bathroom. Knowing this faction they probably spared no expense on fine scented products. ]

It certainly takes a while. But for occasions like this, when I just want to wash my body, I have these coverings they make specifically for Kitsune.

[With that he brought out nine tail-shaped shower caps. They were cute and pink with purple plum blossoms and a cartoon fox on them. It was amazing what one could find that catered to different youkai needs. He stretched back and began to fasten them on. Okay, they may look a little silly but he wouldn't have to spend three hours blowdrying them.]

[ That's an explanation she wasn't expecting. It really was adorable. She couldn't hide her giggle. When he brought out something like that it was hard for the mood not to lighten a little bit. Perhaps it was the change from how he typically presented himself. ]

That's very clever.

[He didn't mind her laughter, it was a really sweet sound. He did a playful dramatic turn to show them off for her, smiling sincerely.]

I know that they look a bit silly but they work well. And I won't have to spend time drying them. It takes so long and the whole room will smell like a wet fox.

[He moved to the bathroom and turned on the shower, allowing it to get warm enough. Without his heeled shoes, he was certainly shorter than her but he didn't mind. He leaned up to kiss her check gently.]

I can wash your hair if you like.

[ She wasn't sure what that would smell like. Probably not as nice as he usually smelled. She tilted her cheek to allow him to kiss then turned to face away from him. Her hair stuck out in several directions making any attempts at styling a challenge but shouldn't have been a problem if they were only washing it today. ]

You know, my first time with Gojyo was in the shower.

Oh.

[Oh my. She was as forthright as ever. This illicited a little giggle from him.]

I hope A-Jing treated you right? Did you have fun?

He was very gentle once he realized I wasn't experienced. Don't tell him I said that.

[ The man has his pride as she's sure Jin Guangyao knows. Though he doesn't seem to be the type to speak so openly about that kind of thing anyway. She's still getting used to where exactly the boundaries of polite conversation are. ]

[He chucked and leaned up giving a small kiss on her nose.]

Alright. But If he's mean I'll shove him in the corner with a dunce cap again. I've done it before...

[He took her hand and stepped into the shower, allowing the warm water to cascade over them.]

He's a good man. A-Jing I mean. I've known him since the other place we were in.

[ She tilted her head back to let the water soak through her hair. That felt nice. She nodded in agreement. ]

I'm glad you and he got out of there.

I am as well. However, there are others I miss dearly. I can only hope they made their way home.

[The water felt nice, he did sweat during his performance and did not enjoy feeling sticky. He leaned against her shoulder, closing his eyes.]

I feel worse for the youkai that are in us, they lost their home after all.

[ She was not sure how to comfort him. This really was an extraordinary situation. It helped that she had cues from him. She wrapped arms around him and stroked his ears. Maybe somehow the gesture could be conveyed not only to him but also to the youkai that occupied his body. She appreciated her for keeping her friend safe. ]

I don't want you to go anywhere.

[Just her presence behind him was comforting, he leaned against her and allowed the weather to wash over the both of them. His ears twitched under her fingers and his tails wagged desire himself.]

I'll do my best, I like it here. I like having friends and feeling safe.

[ His tails caused quite the rustling in their little covers. That made her smile again. She turned back around to sit so he could tend to her hair. There seemed to be a few options for products but she would let him choose what he thought would suit her. She knew he had good taste. ]

I'm glad you feel that way with me.

I do.

[He hummed softly as he started fussing with her hair. He looked over the shampoos and chose one that had an earthier scent with a hint of vanilla. He took some of it and began to massage it into her scalp, running his fingers through in circles.]

You have beautiful hair. Like spun gold. I'm going to add some oils into it so it'll shine like gold as well.

[There was a nice quiet intimacy about this. Just being able to sit with someone who knew his terrible past and didn't judge him for it. Being able to care for them in this way. It was lovely. He hummed softly, a tune from his childhood. ]

Thank you. I never would have thought to put oil in it. I don't know a whole lot about hair care.

[ She'd take his word that it was good for her hair. The scent was nice. What she liked most was feeling his gentle fingers on her scalp. She trusted him touching her neck, knowing that he'd take good care of her. Sometimes she really did need that. ]

[He took some oil, rubbed it in his hands, and applied it to the ends of her hair.]

It helps moisturize your hair, especially at the ends where it can dry out the most. I learned much about beauty routines from the brothels I grew up in. I would make things for my mother to wear. I can teach you about hair care if you want. You need to look your best if you want people to respect you. A gentleman always looks the part is what mama always said and I find it true.

[His fingers worked through her hair, adding oils and other products in, washing it out, and then conditioning it. He worked slowly and methodically, taking it bit by bit.]

You really are so beautiful Maiden Julietta.

I'd like that. The ladies from the noble families back home always had such beautiful hair. I guess I missed out on that kind of thing being raised to be a soldier.

[ His compliments were making her blush. The way she used to wear her hair was purely practical. It was short enough to stay out of her eyes in low gravity and allowed for ease of putting her helmet on. It took little time to maintain enough to look presentable. Since then she'd let it grow but her lack of experience with handling it had been apparent and if she ever did anything with it she had help. Her guardian certainly hadn't taught her anything to do with that out in the field but now she was starting to become more interested in learning. ]

August catchall.

[cw suicide]

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