[semi-closed] the master of my own disguise

[illicitly]

Who ⬤ Nie Huaisang and others
What ⬤ July/August Catch-All
When ⬤ All throughout July and August
Where ⬤ Various
Content Warnings ⬤ MDZS spoilers are a given. Casual discussion of kink of varying extremes and sex work, probably. Possible talk of war, violence, death, trauma, and mental illness. I'll update and include specific warnings in headers as they come up. Sex.



[If you'd like to thread, feel free to plot with me on my permanent plotting post or DM me through the game's Discord server or add me (Mimarin#7493). If neither of those options work for you, I also have a RP plurk at talespinner if you want to add me on there.]

Comments

[illicitly]

Some of the constant tension thrumming under the surface dissipates and Nie Huaisang lets out a breath. If he has to cut ties with Jin Guangyao in order to protect himself from further harm, he will without hesitation but judging from his words, such a move might not become necessary. As long as Jin Guangyao doesn't abuse his generosity and what trust and goodwill he's managed to regain during their time together in Jigoku-cho, he shouldn't have to exit the stage.

"That's a fair condition to add. There's no need cause one another unnecessary distress. I agree to these terms."

He doesn't know Gojyo nearly well enough to assess the risk there so he's going to have to take his word for it that there's no threat. As for Julieta, he trusts her with him.

"It's better to be honest with each other than hide things. I don't know about you but I'm tired of keeping any more secrets than are necessary. I've worn enough masks for a lifetime."

The ones he puts on for work-related purposes are enough.

[taintedpeony]

He would understand if he had to. Cutting off what hurts if it caused needless pain to survive. Jin Guangyao wouldn't blame him if it came to that.

"I have as well. I'm so very tired of hiding, Huaisang. I don't know if I can anymore. I'm just too tired. I would rather keep all of our cards on the table and see what happens.

We are both still healing from things that are horrific, I am still nursing grief and heartbreak. You are getting reconnected with your true self. This slow path is a better one I think.

So I promise I will not hide my tails from you." he leans up and presses a chaste kiss on his forehead, pushing his bangs away from his face. He looked at those nervous eyes and worked on soothing his shoulders.

"I think I can be happy here. I feel terrible for saying this. Doing what I do. But dancing has been affording me a sense to express some of my deeper feelings like music did in Hakagemachi. I've been working on ascribing different meanings to music and dance, removing it from being a weapon or association with Lan Xichen or Mama. I'm making it mine, an art that I can express the things that are too painful to say. I've lived my life too long in comparison to others.

I was going to suggest that perhaps you should try something similar with art or calligraphy, something that you can really work through some of the deeper complex feelings you feel and really be able to examine them. It might help you with your journey on feeling at home with yourself."

[illicitly]

He listens, accepting that kiss and soothing, leaning against him.

"I've been wanting to find more time for painting and calligraphy. I used to be so good at that but I've fallen out of practice. I do some things for work but it's just not the same as doing it for myself."

It's been a struggle to fit himself into the picture of success in Jigoku-cho so far but then again, he's still learning how to be open about his competence after so many years of hiding it. But now that he's had a taste for being valued, he wants more. He's never wanted to rise before just to see how far he can go in a career before; even back home, his ambitions are born more out of necessity and obligation than honest desire.

"Your dancing is beautiful. If it helps you express yourself, I think you should keep doing it. I think I could be happy here, too, maybe even become someone great within the clan. And for the first time, I find myself wanting to. I've always been a joke in my clan and our society but in the Tamamo Clan, I'm valued. Even respected. I've never had that before. Barely anyone's respected me or seen actual worth in what I do before. And I like it. I like feeling like I can contribute something worthwhile to a cause."

The Tamamo Clan's cause is worth it, he thinks. The world Tenkohime envisions is one worth fighting for.

"I should try harder to find a healthier balance though. I can't do this job or be myself with anyone if I don't know who that is. And I can't give any partner what they need or deserve if I'm constantly stressed or exhausting myself."

[taintedpeony]

"You were always a skilled artist. It will come back to you in time."

He was very aware of how people viewed him back home and were very proud of how much he had achieved here. He kissed his forehead again, to relay that fact.

"Perhaps we can carve out time like this. Get a room away from our house. See some of the sillier love hotels for the novelty of it and bring paints and paper. You can have some time to relax and paint, I can practice the qin or a new routine. We are both prone to overworking ourselves to the point of exhaustion. This way we can spend some time together but also with ourselves. And we can watch something when we feel like doing something together.

It will just give us an accountability partner.

Personally, I want to stay in a room that looks like a ramen cup. It'll be a fun set for some silly pictures. I'll sew a fish outfit and you can be pickled radish and we can pose sexily." he said laughing a little. "Let's just have some fun."

[illicitly]

Nie Huaisang chuckles at the image.

"That does sound fun. I like the idea of regular outings like this. I'm handling my own scheduling with clients now rather than working through clubs. Once the school's organized and open, my schedule should be more flexible outside of classes and appointments."

He nuzzles Jin Guangyao's jaw a moment, just taking the moment to just breathe and enjoy being with him. Maybe that's what he needs more than anything and the rest will fall into place along the way.

"It'd be a good idea for us to get away to relax regularly. Those vouchers aren't going to do either of us any good if we don't actually put them to use. It'd be a shame to let them expire. These places aren't cheap."

[taintedpeony]

“I really like it as well. I think it is important for us to actually take cafe of ourselves so we can bring our best for the clan. And getting to spend time with you is always a wonderful bonus to any day.” He smiled at him warmly.

"The war took so much from us, and peacetime even more so. This is our time now. Let’s just work on finding happiness, no matter what that might look like. I for one am excited to use the spa vouchers I so gallantly shook my ass for. Feel like going in the morning? I want to get a mani pedi and the full treatment. My tails are looking a bit sad these days.

I’m a Jin, we’re supposed to be beautiful.” He winked. He was mostly being playful. “Gege would balk at the state of me.”

[illicitly]

Jin Guangyao really isn't without his charms. He can't help but smile back. As complicated as things are, they are easier like this in lighter moments. It's easier to connect with that old warmth and happiness that used to fill him whenever they were together like this.

"You're always beautiful and your tails are lovely. I won't turn down a spa day, though. I could use a good shampoo, massage, and long, relaxing soak. And I could use a manicure and pedicure."

Honestly, a chance to do absolutely nothing and just be pampered without any expectations or strings attached sounds better than sex to him these days.

[taintedpeony]

“You are certainly one to speak of beauty. I hear the customers all yelling about your charm.” He kisses him on the nose for emphasis. “that really does sound lovely. I think the petal milk bath may be in our future. It has some oils that does wonders for the skin.”

He stretched his arms back with a yawn. His tails stretching out as well before leaning down and doing a cat stretch, with his hips jutting up a bit. His shoulders made a soft popping noise as he did so.

“I saw a lovely green and gold foil leaf pattern that would look perfect on you.” He smiled up at him, laying down on his chest. “maybe we can look at some jewelry as well. The costume jewelry has been oxidizing and staining my skin green.” He felt less like he was playing a role and more like himself. It did feel like those times he visited Qinghe and they would talk about nothing.