jigokulogs | July open log and catch-all [OPEN]

Li'l bastard fuckin' owns both'a ya, don't he?

[ He's trying to stay calm and not just scream the way he wants to, about how Ryouma is going to get himself killed again and how Majima gets in after he goes to sleep and leaves before he wakes up. The stability he had has been ripped out of his hands and he can't deal with that in a functional way. The fact he's barely slept at all the past few nights isn't helping anything, either. It's easier to stay awake than to risk the nightmares. It's not worth drinking himself in a dreamless sleep, either.

Anything not to cry right now. He just wants to shut down for awhile and try again later. He sets his chopsticks down to wipe at his face. So much for holding it together. ]

I'm tryin'...'s why I'm here. I ain't no good to anyone if I'm fuckin' breakin' apart. [ Fuck, why is he opening up to Nishitani like this? ] Can't fuck off th' way I did before...

[ He grimaces and goes back to trying to eat something. ]

...Sorry, ya don't need t' hear my shit.

Kid. [ A sigh. Nishitani stands up and goes to sit beside him, on Andy's side of the table. His yukata hangs open, slightly, the namakubi peaking out on his chest. ]

If I didn't want to hear about your shit, I wouldn't have let you in. I know you're trying, I can see it. [ And a final truth, one Emily told him, one Nishitani is desperately trying to practice. ]

But if you keep fucking with it right now, it's only going to get worse. Trying to practice that one myself, too. Pain in my fucking ass...

[ He should be strong enough to handle this, stronger for the sake of everyone else. The fact he isn't tears him apart. What good is he to anyone if he can't handle this? It's so easy to beat himself up over it and Karasu's mocking voice echoing his worst thoughts isn't doing anything to help matters.

Izō still doesn't look at him. ]

I jus'...feel so fuckin' useless. I ain't good at any'a this. [ He takes a deep breath to try to collect himself. It doesn't help. ] I ain't tryin' t' stick my nose where it don't belong...I jus' wanna hang on to what I've got.

[ He grits his teeth. It doesn't feel good to fall apart like this. Nishitani doesn't need to deal with him fraying at the seams. ]

But Ryouma’s gonna go an' get his stupid ass killed again 'cause he won't fuckin' listen to anyone... [ Another deep breath and a shaky exhale. ] An' I dunno what's gonna happen with Majima, but I sure as shit ain't lettin' go.

[ No one wants a worthless stray. It's so easy for his own mind and the youkai possessing him to prey on his insecurities. If he can't do anything, what good is he? All the more excuse for them to abandon him. ]

Listen to me. [ Nishitani takes Izo by the chin, turns him so they're eye to eye. Nishitani doesn't kiss Izo, doesn't make a lewd comment or anything like that. Instead he looks tired, just like Izo, worn and worried around the edges. ] The only person you're in control of is yourself. What those two do-- they're going to do it regardless, and they're going to have to deal with how much it fucking hurt you to do it. You're not the one fucking up here, you're not the one hurting the people you love, like, or even just fucking tolerate. They are.

We can love them when they finish doing the stupid shit they're going to do no matter what anyone says. Not me, not you, not Emikko-- and if Majima isn't listening to Emikko, he's not listening to anyone.

Let go for a week, let him spin. Otherwise he's going to rip your arm off as you cling on. [ Nishitani knows-- he knows. Everything he's let go of has had scratch marks on it. But with Emily and Andy's help, he's backed off from Majima for the time being, until he burns himself out. Only then will they be able to talk, like humans instead of monsters. ]

[ He freezes, eyes wide, when Nishitani grabs his chin. His fear of abandonment runs so deep that he expects a rebuke even now, despite the fact that Nishitani has done nothing of the sort so far. It's absolutely irrational. The flash of fear fades quickly the more Nishitani says.

Izō wants to protest about how it's different with them, how Nishitani doesn't understand, but he can't. Every time he starts to say something, he stops. Izō folds his arms on the table, resting his head atop them. A sulky, miserable mess, curled in on himself. ]

...Whatever. [ He listened and he's not happy about it. ] I'll fuckin' give it a week.

[ Nishitani doesn't rebuke Izo, doesn't push or force or hurt. Instead he lets Izo go once what's said is said and leans back on his chair, drawing back on his cigarette until the ash threatens to tip. only then he ashes it in their ashtray. ] You're welcome here until then, baby. Lucky Andy and I got space now.

[ That gets him to lift his head. Not an offer he'd been expecting, to say the least. ]

...Ya serious? [ He still can't comprehend people doing nice things for him just because. ] I don't wanna be a pain in th' ass or nothin'...more'n I've been already, anyway.

[ He scrubs at his face with his sleeve as he sits up properly. ]

Gonna stay with Em for a night or two so ya don't get sick'a me.

[ And, you know, she needs the company. Majima's meltdown is hard on her, too. It's only right that she and Izō lean on each other. ]

You don't have to stay here if you really don't want to, brat. [ Snipped out, teasing, and he shakes his head slightly with a smirk, an edge of teeth. He leans in to Izo, just a little suggestively. In the end, he is the man he is, and even in times of crisis, he's going to be suggestive about it. ] I'm serious. Andy and I are flexible enough, after all.

[ There it is. Izō can't mind it because it's familiar. It lets him relax just a little bit. He chuckles quietly and gives Nishitani an uncharacteristically gentle, sweet kiss. ]

Jus' say ya want yer baby boy close at hand. Expectin' me t' earn my keep, ain't ya?

[ Light and teasing. Some sense of normalcy, horny as it may be, is a relief after how stressed out he's been. ]

[ Nishitani also, uncharacteristically, lets the kiss remain sweet instead of demanding more. ]

Sure. I'll even have Andy make sure to collect. [ Nishitani likes to see the two of them together. He likes fucking and likes being fucked, but he likes both of them so much that he wants to see-- he wants to see exactly what they look like. He wants to see how Andy's hips sway when dominating someone, he wants to see Izo's toes curl over when his face is pushed into a pillow and ass is pulled up to the proper height. Nishitani wants the full picture just as much as he wants to indulge. ]

[ It'll be a nice way to relieve stress and just forget himself for awhile. Maybe it'll keep the nightmares away so he doesn't have to explain why he's screaming in his sleep.

Izō blushes deeply as he goes back to picking at his food. A little bit of relaxation makes him more inclined to eat properly. ]

Ya'd like that, wouldn't ya? [ As if Izō doesn't like that thought. ] 'Course ya would...Sittin' back an' watchin' enough for ya?

[ Between Nishitani and Andy, neither of them would question anyone screaming in their sleep. They get it, they've been there, and they might be the ones screaming tomorrow. Nishitani puts an arm over Izo's back, kissing at his bicep and shoulder easily. Just little creature comforts, things to keep Izo perked up. ]

More than enough. I know how both of you fuck, now I want to see it.

[ It's warm and familiar now. He lets himself lean against Nishitani a little bit, much more at ease. It's not like anything is actually better, but this is enough for now. ]

Pervert.

[ Said with all the affection in the world. ]

Slut. [ The affection is returned. The night will be long for them, and fun. Izo will fall asleep between Andy and Nishitani, held, and warm between their two bodies. Bastard sleeps at the food of the bed, and purrs, licks at Izo's legs and bites at Nishitani's feet. ]

[ It's domestic, it's sweet, and for as long as Izo wants it, it's his. ]

July open log and catch-all [OPEN]

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