jigokulogs | [ SEMI-CLOSED ] with your demons and mine, i've been yours from the start

[ ryouma has been out here for a long time. how long...? he's not sure anymore. there's no way to disguise the fact that he's been soaked through by the rain and it looks every bit as horrible as it sounds. he still has the gun in his hand but by now the bullets are all spent. izō was the first. there have been others but he isn't sure if they were real or not.

hizen would be another, but the gun just clicks uselessly when he tries to shoot at him, wild-eyed. everyone looks like a threat to him right now, like all the vengeful dead that won't quit chasing him, out for blood and revenge. the shadows ripple and coil around him strangely, but everything seems especially ominous under these conditions. maybe it's just a trick of the light... ]

( With one precious person taken care of, Hizen sets out to find the best to drag out of hell. He’s gotten a lead from Izo about who to look out for next and he keeps his eyes open for an all too familiar figure.

His feet splash as he runs through the streets. He ignores the intense feelings of despair and the taunting whispers to just give in So things can be different. He won’t fall for it. He’s stronger than his temptations right now because he has a goal.

When he spots Ryouma with his gun, he freezes. He can hear that guys voice laughing cheerfully that a sword is no match for a gun and he’s already been shot once in this stupid city. He grabs his sword tightly and growls, )

Ryouma.

( It’s a warning. His eyes are focused, a bright red burning with purpose. He isn’t going to let Ryouma go. )

[ ryouma should have listened to the order to retreat but he never listens. he's a lieutenant now, for what that's worth, and to ryouma that means responsibility. he has to take care of his people. the daitengu is holding down the fort at konoha, so it falls to people like him to get others to safety on the streets. faction doesn't matter to him any more than the curse. if someone's in need, who they work for is the last thing on his mind.

unfortunately, ryouma is hardly immune himself, so he's barely holding it together, stumbling in and out of moments of lucidity. at least in this moment it's not so bad, which is a good thing since ryouma recognises kate. ]

Ya need to get t' somewhere safe right away!

[ do as he says, not as he does. ]

[ ryouma's not laughing right now, at least, because he fears for his life... so there's that? it's part of "her" tactic to let him suffer and twist in the wind until the fear dominates his mind again. it's working. ]

Get away! I ain't afraid t' shoot every last one of ya!

[ and whatever he's seeing? clearly, more than just hizen. although, given a few moments longer, hizen can see them too — the bloody corpses of fallen friends and comrades milling about, trying to crowd him and make him pay. ]

( She shouldn't still be out here, that much she knows. But the hallucinations have already tried their bullshit and she's learned the lesson most important to her survival in these darkened streets:

Stay away from the walls. Away from the corners. Away from anything that can leave her trapped and caught.

So it's fine. It's fucking fine. She can handle the blood rain, the whispers following her (mostly Grace's voice, but sometimes others crop up, always with the same message: useless, broken little girl). What she can't handle is the idea of sitting idle and letting her thoughts consume her.

Which is why she's out and about, half-stubborn, half-trying to be anything but useless in this moment, looking for anyone who might need to be snapped out of their delusions. Not like she's good at that, but it's better than thinking about her own.

And then there's a familiar voice, and face, right in front of her. )

Speak for yourself.

( Holy shit, Ryouma, you look like crap. Does she look that bad? Probably. God knows it feels like every inch of her clothes have been soaked in blood by now, and there's still a stiffness in her shoulders, a twitch in her hands, and the painful ache of her jaw and teeth where she's gritted them too hard for too long to block out those whispers. )

How long you been out here?

(So he's going to aim it at him, too. He stands his ground and considers his options. He could back off, let Ryouma go and let him get worse and do whatever damage. Nah, that was never an option. No matter how much he avoids Ryouma and bullies him, he wouldn't leave him on his own. They are, for better or worse, connected by their stories.

He doesn't know that the gun is out of bullets but he knows he's been shot once before and that was before he had his true form back. It'll hurt like hell but he'll survive. Yes, he thinks his decision is made. He just needs to figure out his approach next.

Is this what Ryouma sees? It makes sense. The Ryouma he knew had been haunted by memories, too.)

You're a real pain in the ass, y'know that?!

(And he charges directly for Ryouma. It's careless and bold, a straight line right for him. Sometimes the safest way to get through fire is to go through it instead of around it.

He doesn't care about the manifestations. He doesn't even acknowledge them as real beings. They're just phantoms. He's dealt with those, too.)

[ it's not getting shot hizen has to worry about, at least. ryouma definitely tries to shoot but there are no bullets left to fire, so once again the gun just clicks uselessly as if to mock him. he can draw his sword but his hands are shaking and he can't get rid of the persistent worry that somehow that's not going to work. there was a time, when he was alive, that that might've been true. it's probably not much of a surprise that his wires would get crossed in the midst of all this.

what does pose more of an immediate threat are the swirling shadows that only become more turbulent around him as hizen gets closer. a dark shape seems to cling to ryouma's back, arms loosely draped around his neck, the inhuman qualities about "her" possibly making it difficult to realise that it's a woman at first. she is apparently a calming influence as ryouma settles down just having her there, but monstrous glowing eyes glare across at hizen from behind ryouma's shoulder. ]

If ya wanna kill me, you're gonna have t' go through the both of us.

(Abort, abort, abort. He grinds to a total stop, stumbling forward one, two, three steps before he shifts into a completely different position, his hand instinctively reaching for his sword. His hand hovers over it anxiously and he glares right back at those glowing eyes.)

What the hell is that?

(What's haunting Ryouma? He doesn't know but he feels like... this is the boss, isn't it? The real threat at the end of everything else he has to get through.)

Ah, that's right. You wouldn't know Oryou-san, would you?

[ because this is perfectly normal. he's just introducing someone to his wife who is definitely not part of the horrible curse manifesting itself as a snake monster formed out of ryouma's fondest memories. clinging to him like a parasite because he's almost inviting it to happen; it's been a miserable, lonely time in hell.

normally they would be distinctly two separate entities — at least in physical form — but it's difficult to tell where one ends and the other begins. far from the terror in his expression earlier, he looks aside at her fondly. ]

We've been separated for so long. I missed her so much! Still, I never doubted that we'd find each other again.

Oryou--

(It's not that he doesn't know the name. He just doesn't have a strong connection to it like he does for others. Still, he's at least aware enough of who he's talking about and growls. )

Get a grip. She isn't real.

(Direct, to the point.)

I've gotta job to do.

[ which doesn't answer the question, but kate can probably glean from the overall picture that it's been long enough for the problem to be more than surface level, although ryouma will maintain there isn't one. it's just difficult to see what's what under the blood he's covered in, else it might be more obvious. he can't hide the way his eyes look though, since they aren't usually such a bright shade of gold that they seem to glow. never mind the cat-like quality they never had before. nothing to worry about! ]

Y' even got a weapon on ya?

[ he's not thinking straight to begin with, so minding his accent goes right out the window. however that translates, it's different. ~~he sounds like izō.~~ ]

Ah. Pretty rude, ain'tcha?

[ he's not hearing it. she's as real to him as the genuine article. probably because the curse is affecting what he's made of, connecting in the same way and replacing the void where the real oryou should be with something. right now, it's enough. the absence of that pain is plenty to disguise what would feel wrong if he were in his right mind. ]

Show a little respect.

Ya just noticed?

(He's a bastard and he knows it!! But this isn't like Ryouma. The Ryouma he knows... would just take it. Do that weird thing he does sometimes when he gets a little too deep. Like Mutsunokami does when he laughs and says everything is fine while holding onto a broken gun left behind just for him.)

I ain't doing shit for that thing. (No, he will not back down from this. He's sizing up the manifestation now. That's it. That's his target? He can't tell where it ends or begins but... well, there's plenty to work with, still.) And you--

(Speaking to Ryouma directly,)

-- Aren't the one in control here.

(It's the opposite. He's lost it.)

Don't tell me what to do. D'ya even know what you're doing? D'ya even know what the hell ya did?!

(HE TRIED TO SHOOT AT HIM?)

( Yeah. There's a whole lot wrong here, she can see that even through all this fucking blood. Her eyes narrow, lips thinning, the taste of blood seeping into her mouth again as she takes a step closer.

Ugh. She fucking hates this. )

Aye. ( She doesn't take it out, but there's a knife in her bag, and there has been one since a few days after he took her to the clinic. Insurance for a place where shit like this happens.

Admittedly, it's not exactly been effective for dealing with her current problems, but it feels better to know that weight is there. )

Jobs make you take breaks.

( What is it that's so familiar about his voice right now? It's not the same voice she's used to hearing from his mouth, but it feels so familiar nonetheless. Like she's heard that accent somewhere before.

(At least that puzzle is a nice distraction from those continuing, whispered taunts —bet your parents are so proud, Kat!) )

Edited 2022-06-09 17:20 (UTC)

That's different. I don't care what ya say t' me.

[ but hizen isn't wrong; ryouma never feels the need to defend her because she's perfectly capable of taking care of herself.

at the moment "she" is perched on his left shoulder, holding onto him loosely because it's not as if he's trying to escape. she is perfectly formed from his memories aside from where she doesn't speak. the real oryou has plenty to say to whoever; this one seems only to speak to ryouma. he doesn't seem to notice the discrepancy. ]

Dunno why I'm even botherin'. Ya ain't real anyway.

Ain't that kinda job. Anyway, it's up to me. I gotta save 'em this time...

[ he doesn't believe in taking breaks, especially now. that's probably one reason he ended up in this mess. things always get in your head worse when you're sleep-deprived.

never mind where he's developing a saviour complex over this. in his defence: he's not thinking right. ]

The 'bullshit' got a major upgrade, like it or not, so y' really don't wanna be here. We'll walk ya back.

[ yes, we. ]

(He isn't real. He sputters because as wild as things are, he at least expected Ryouma to be able to acknowledge him as real. It's one thing to imagine things but it's something else to just... erase someone's existence, he feels like.)

I'm not real?!

(If he was smarter like sensei or knew more like Mutsunokami then maybe he'd have an idea of what to do here. Maybe he'd come up with a better plan or the right thing to say to get Ryouma to listen. But what Hizen knows right now is Ryouma isn't himself. He's shot Izo. His gun is out of bullets. He still has his sword. He is a danger to himself and others.)

If I ain't real then ya got nothing worry about!

(Damn it all he's going to do what he's good at. He's going to fight. He's going to win. And when he's finished, he's going to beat sense into Ryouma.

So he charges again, this time even going so far as to draw his sword but if Ryouma cares to notice at all, he'll see how he turns his blade to use the flat instead of the edge. He's going to aim right for that twisted shadow that has its grip on Ryouma.)

Well... dunno. I see people all the time. Can't tell who is an' who isn't anymore.

[ which is, you know, fine.

ryouma does notice, because ryouma won't let hizen just attack his oryou!!

fake or not, he has to respond to the threat! he still doesn't draw his sword, using his gun instead to deflect the strike. he's done it once before, when he was still human, so he's at least that confident. that definitely won't go the way it did last time or anything... ]

Don't do somethin' yer gonna regret later! Ya can't be the two of us together!

(Stupid gun. He curses when he strikes but he doesn't let that deter him. He knows the gun is empty. It's practically useless and all he has to do is make sure Ryouma doesn't draw his sword.

... He briefly wonders if there's a meaning to that. According to the stories, Ryouma never drew his sword. Even when he tried in his final moment, he failed. It's always been a significant part of Ryouma's story, especially in relation to the spirit that manifested from his sword.

He pushes back against Ryouma, refusing to back down.)

Take your own advice.

(He knows Ryouma has already done things he's going to regret.

He aims a good, hard kick at Ryouma's shin. Honor is for those privileged enough to never have to fight to survive. He's here to win.)

[ ryouma isn't accustomed to fighting dirty because he's not accustomed to fighting so that kick works as intended and makes him stumble hard. but "oryou" is, incidentally, a bit more than a harmless apparition as she is a lot better at mimicking the more monstrous aspects of her real counterpart than she is at the rest.

she swings fiercely at hizen, shadowy coils settling around ryouma as she refuses to part from him entirely and half-transforms instead. protective or... possessive? she's won a valuable prize, after all, and intends to drain him of all his energy like the parasite she is. so, hizen will have to go.

ryouma isn't too proud to let her take point like she always does. ]

(The shadow swings and Hizen instinctively pulls back. HIs hand reaches out to grab Ryouma's clothes but all he feels is his fingertips just barely brushing against fabric before he's totally knocked back. He rolls backwards and begins to pick himself up, scrambling back up onto his feet and kicking off for another charged attack.)

She isn't real! You're just dreamin' her up.

(He's chasing after the shadows now, aiming to cut through them and see if he can just sever them completely. Would that even work? He's used to fighting other spirits but they've always had physical forms like him...)

Are you the kinda guy that stops giving a shit about everyone else 'cause ya gotta dream?! (He knows Ryouma isn't. In his heart, he knows that isn't why Ryouma gave him away. He knows that isn't why he left Ryouma. He knows but--) Just gonna act like we don't exist 'cause ya got what ya want?!

( She knows it was a lame retort, but this whole thing is unnerving and Ryouma doesn't look like himself. Doesn't act like himself. Or at least, not like the version of himself Kate's come to know.

But she's not exactly wrong. No one's getting saved if he's out here losing it instead of resting.

Shame she doesn't think of that point before certain phrasing distracts from the argument of whether he should be out here (and no, it's not a question of whether she should be. She's fine. Those whispers, the exhaustion and fraying of her edges, are just inconveniences). )

Who's we?

( Dude. There's no one else here. )

[ "oryou" is real enough that hizen isn't just trying to cut through illusions, at least. it seems everything else that appears to be something else at least has the consistency it ought to be. mostly. long strands of hair feel more like cables when hizen slices through them and the ones he doesn't keep trying to entangle him. the rest of "her" is harder. tougher, though not as strong as the real thing, at least. ]

Why shouldn't I get what I want?! Do ya hate me so much the only way yer happy is if I got nothin' left in the end?!

[ he doesn't really believe anything like that, of course, but that doesn't stop him from saying things that might hurt right now. as hizen said, ryouma is not in control here. ]

Me and Oryou-san.

[ "she" appears as if on cue, leaning on his shoulders. she might've just climbed right out of his back for all that there had never anyone else there a minute ago. ryouma looks perfectly content about this development. ]

We were separated when I got here. I finally found her!

(Then he cuts! Because it's what he's good at. For as much as he hates himself, it's times like this that he's grateful for his talent. He's good at slashing and he's stronger for it. Because he's strong, he can be useful to the people and for the causes that matter to him the most.)

Dumbass! (He's a nimble fighter and does his best to navigate through the shadows, trying to keep himself from becoming tangled and cutting himself free when caught,) I don't hate you!

(His goal is to get close enough to the root-- to Ryouma-- to sever this curse completely.)

Even if it's you--! (He can hear the final lines of a desperate story. "I haven't seen the new age yet! Created by Master Takechi and Ryouma! No social status! Everyone can live as they like! It'll be a peaceful world!") Even if it's you, I want you to have everything!

'Cause if ya got everything, that's more to share with everyone else!

(Or something. He doesn't know what he's saying. He feels like he's speaking for the sake of having something to say. He doesn't even know if his words make any sense without context right now.)

You wanna share it, too! I know you wanna. That's why ya gave a shit when they died! 'Cause you wanted to share the world with 'em too, right?!

(He hates this. This isn't even his stupid nightmare and that pisses him off so much. He's so angry... he screams and musters up all of his strength to pull through the shadows and charge at Ryouma directly.)

[ SEMI-CLOSED ] with your demons and mine, i've been yours from the start

⚡ hizen

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⚡ kate

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