jigokulogs | no one's ever dredged anything to look for me

[the comment makes a touch of color rise to her cheeks, wondering if it's so blatantly obvious, but to her credit, she doesn't flinch. she was warned, and while if she was on her own, she might flee, she can feel the presence of her youkai emboldening her, keeping her steady. one ill spoken man can't send her scurrying - that would be shameful. instead, she takes a tiny breath, and continues in the same tone.]

I have something for Mr. Majima and Mr. Okada, yes.

[in the strange translation of this world, the -san is added onto them both. she has to do it deliberately.]

But it's something that can only be handed to them, so I truly apologize for the bother, sir.

Call me Nishitani, Em-chan. [ He leers, looks her up and down obviously, licking his lips while he does it. Damn, he always liked standoffish girls, girls who hated him, girls who wanted him dead. ]

Come on in. There's food on the table. [ He steps aside, a devil offering a choice. He won't grab her or force her, if she saved Majima's life then they're on the same team-- but he never let's anyone past him without some kind of hazing, just to know what they're really made of. ]

[how does he know that, she wonders, and then mentally shakes her head. Majima must have mentioned something, but the nickname from the mouth of someone she doesn't even know drags on her nerves like sandpaper. the only retaliation she can concoct is to lower her eyes and bow her head, just enough to make it clear that this is an introduction.

he doesn't know her, though he knows that nickname. nor does he know the intricacies of her relationships, and right now he's not endearing her to enlighten him.]

A pleasure to meet you, Mr. Nishitani. My name is Emily Dyer.

[only then does she straighten up and meet his eyes before she walks in, familiar enough with the layout that she can go to the sliver of space that they might sit in and put the package somewhere they'll see it, that's clear enough. there's a note with the small bottles inside, after all.

she can't show nerves. if she does, she's lost whatever bizarre struggle this has turned out to be.]

Stay for lunch. I'm sure the boys will be around soon. [ Nishitani watches as Emily enters, closing the door once she's inside. He stalks behind her, looming, watching her every move like sighthound with a small, defenseless mouse. He puts his hand down on the table moving behind her so his chest is close to her back and he's caging her in against the furniture. ] Homemade an' everything. It'd break my heart if you refused.

[something about his presence reminds her of a hunter, makes her heart beat faster in her chest on reflex. old instincts, sharpened through enough time, right under the skin and buzzing. her wings are folded tight against her back, taking up only the minimum of space, restraint laced through her posture. he's too close.

how to extract herself with the least amount of damage possible? sometimes you needed to take a blow for it.]

That's very generous of you, but I wouldn't want anyone to be lacking from me taking a share.

[yet more courtesy, since it's the only way. not a rude refusal, but what seems like modesty and usual decorum - not jumping at the first offer. decline at least once, before accepting.]

[ Nishitani doesn't pull away, his fingers still tight against cheap wood, still boxing her in. ] Don't be like that, baby, I insist. Have some karaage.

Besides, [ His voice is against her neck, but not touching. Not a part of him physically touches her, but the space between them is buzzing, alight with possibilities. ] I want to talk to you about some of the things I promised Majima.

[there's no way out but through. in this position, he can't see the slight way her eyes widen on hearing Majima's name - that will be what she needs to think of to make this worth the stress.]

...if you insist then, Mr. Nishitani. I am a little hungry, as it happens.

[she'll have lunch. but she can't exactly sit at the table if he keeps her caged like this. he'll talk, and she'll listen.]

[ Pulling away from her back, Nishitani leans against the counter, looking over the package she's left, gaze lingering for a couple of seconds before flashing back to her. He's no less threatening, but his aura pulls back, that pink energy that slipped from his pores diluting, a figment of imagination. ] There's rice and everything. These shitty kids didn't have fuck for miso soup, so here we are. Go on, Em-chan, Majima and I already ate our fill.

[it's nondescript, wrapped neatly in brown paper, smaller than the average paperback book. no hint as to the precious solution inside of it, distilled down to what they would need and strong enough to ration doses out of. they get hurt so much, and she can't always physically be there to mend what's broken. at least it will go away sooner.

with Nishitani freeing her, it means she can go to the food and take a seat, shoulders set in a straight line. she hasn't lost her tension, but she'll figure out how to eat the food somehow, serving herself a portion - there will still be some for Izo, if he hasn't eaten already. it can't be poisoned, and yet Emily feels as though she's resolving herself to drink such straight from the bottle.

fine, he has what he wants in this regard, her eating his food, eyes kept downward so she has no urge to flinch. drawn out, she can't shake the sense she's being toyed with.]

[ Nishitani sits across from her, sprawled out on the chair, legs spread wide as he pulls out a cigarette, offering her one as well. ]

You know who I am. [ Nishitani doesn't bother with beating around the bushes. Majima must have told his partners at some point about him-- He'd gone out, he'd pushed his fuckboy off on someone. That kind of behaviour needs explaining. ] And I think you know what I am.

[she declines the cigarette, since she doesn't smoke - but then raises her eyes to meet his again.]

Nishitani Homare of Sotenbori. You would be correct in both those statements.

[yakuza, as truly as Majima is. he'd told her - that he was a murderer since he was a child, and enjoyed living the life. she knows exactly what sort of man she had met at the door.]

You don't need to be so formal, baby. One of the promises I made to Majima is that I wouldn't hurt his partners. [ Nishitani shrugs as the offer is declined, lighting up himself and pulling back hard. How he says partners instead of something crude, something dismissive, something patronizing, is telling how much weight he's put into his word. ] And you seem the be the smart one of the two.

Do you love him?

[that's...

the way her eyes widen says enough how surprising the question is, how that being asked cut through everything almost surgically. but it's straightforward, and the answer is as well. even if it's as vulnerable as exposed flesh facing down a knife, she knows the whole, utter truth of it, and no trace of a lie is in any part of her. not her expression, not her body, not her tone. everything is point blank honesty.]

Yes, I do. I love him.

[how odd it is to say it aloud to someone who's not Goro. but she has no other word for it. when she'd die for him, kill for him, but most importantly live for and with him. that is love, salvaged from the pieces of one world and brought to the next.]

Edited 2022-05-10 06:54 (UTC)

Good. So do I. [ Nishitani sees the bullshit slip away the moment his question landed, flayed away with the point of his words. His own ruthless honesty is on display as well, a brutal consuming love that hangs in his chest, a sentimentality he can't and won't get rid of. ] Would you hurt him?

No, never. I couldn't bear to.

[never if it was in her hands, and she'd turn the knife on herself before having it draw his blood. that she knows with another deep certainty.

she doesn't know if she trusts Nishitani's declaration of love, or rather, his version of it. perhaps it's her own wariness. perhaps it's a protectiveness she doesn't even realize she's grown, wanting to protect the people she loves from anything that might come at them, shielding those who have borne so much already.

his love is a wild thing, and if it consumes too much, she'll rip out its teeth herself. but such thoughts aren't yet conscious ones.]

Would you?

If he wanted to be hurt when fucking. [ Crass, lazy, casual. Pain for him is forever tied with pleasure, a true sadomasochist in the flesh-- one who enjoys inflicting, and being inflicted. There's no shame in his voice or his stance, and instead he just ashes his cigarette before bringing it back to his mouth. His love is carnivorous beast inside his chest. Having someone to reign him in might be best. But like Emily, these thoughts have yet to come to the surface. ]

I'd first tear my own dick off anywhere else. I got shot for him already, what's a few more bullets, huh?

Edited 2022-05-10 07:15 (UTC)

[the twitch in her brow says that's not the hurt I'm talking about before he goes on. she needs to know that his self is safe - that the parts of him that she witnesses when they're alone remain intact. if that can't be assured, then she can't trust this man, not now or ever.]

...then please, swear that to me, Mr. Nishitani. That you won't bring harm to him, or knowingly let him be harmed. Not his body, him.

[his heart.]

Swear it to me on your honor.

[Emily knows as she says it that it's a bold thing to do. bold enough to make some part of her scream that she's crazy, to want to say she's kidding, her heartbeat strong in her ears. but she also knows enough that vows are kept sacred here. as despicable as things can get, loyalty and promises remain intact. and she could care less if this man is loyal to her - it's if he can be loyal to Goro that matters.

if he can, then she'll believe in his love.]

[ Nishitani watches her, that edge of a predator back in. The mouse has teeth, it seems, and is bold enough to bite. He hisses out a breath, the smoke pluming between them. What she asks isn't small, and Nishitani isn't the kind of shithead punk that backs down from his word once given. Nishitani is many things: evil, scum, gangster-- but what qualities go unsaid are what are important here: his loyalty, his resolute nature. ]

[ The mouse bites, but Nishitani doesn't relent. Not yet. ] Then you know he's already hurt and bleeding out. [ There's a fire in Nishitani, hot, burning him alive when he thinks of that scared, choked man just from earlier this morning. It burns for Majima, and it will burn anyone who hurt him. ] He can barely speak about his shitty fucking past without freezing up like a deer about to be hit.

I want those bastards who hurt him fucking dead, I want their guts strung up where I've had them fucking quartered. Anyone who hurts him, anyone who plays their fucking games with him, they'll be right up there alongside them.

The boy he is right now is chained to some bastards who didn't know what to do with promise. I want him out, Emily-chan. The him you know might change doing just that. Would you consider that hurting? Or liberating, even if he might not be the man you knew once free?

I'll never hurt Majima. You can kill me if I do. But letting him grow will be painful, and that's not on me.

[the words she wants, even if they've come with many others. when she's done here, when she's out of this apartment and the door is shut, she'll fall to pieces and shake and let the fear grab her as if it means to rend her apart. but not now. not when she's somehow still clinging onto footing while this territory is completely unknown.

one breath in, and then out. steady. of course she knows about that pain - bleeding from wounds she can't sew, though she desperately wishes she could. Emily doesn't have Nishitani's same bloodlust - those people are two worlds away, and who's to say that he'll ever see them again. someone new appearing, stirring up the thoughts in his head...that's different.]

If he changes with freedom, then so he does. He'll be free, and that's more important.

[some part of her stirs, and whispers Lisa into her ear, guilt pricking her with its familiar needles. the idea of changing so completely you lose yourself, and then it's Goro telling her just wanna be myself again, even as he doesn't know what that self is.]

The paramount fact is that he doesn't have to bear that pain alone. Whether it comes from his past, from changing, from growth...he's not going to have to endure it alone.

[she'd promised, with the sakazuki cup. swore responsibility, as if his blood was her and Izo's own. promised to him in privacy, that she would be there when he decided what he wanted. promised herself, when they had been sitting in that apartment and barely having survived the Lake Spirit's wrath, that she would try and stay.]

Then you have it, my honour, my life, my dick if you want. I won't hurt Goro Majima, and I won't let anyone else who tries live. [ Nishitani is serious, his words binding, just as they had been with Majima before. Putting out his cigarette, Nishitani stands, going to pour himself some something to drink and fetch Emily some water. The glass is put in front of her when he moves back past her, and he sits opposite her once more. ]

I'll be your dog as readily as his. You know more about this place than I do. Point out a threat, Em-chan, and you'll see exactly what I can do.

[she takes a sip of the water, willing her hands not to tremble. he promised, and that would be as iron to ensuring that whatever comes to pass, Goro is safe from him. while it's tempting to say she doesn't need an attack dog, the fact of the matter is that she can't fight as well as others can, and the more allies she has, the better, particularly if they're going to be entwined with their lives. so she only nods, accepting the offer as it stands.]

...I'm not sure if it was mentioned, but I'm a physician. Keep my number in your device, in case you're in need - I'll be there to mend you.

[an offer of her own, in return. the most useful she can be.]

[ Nishitani drinks his booze easily, the intensity of him stripped away, and for her, here, like this, he seems like just a man who made lunch for his partner and his partners partner's, a man in love and protective and trying to keep up with everything that's changed. ]

[ He looks tired, for just a brief second, before he lights up another cigarette and inhales, relaxing the moment the moment he draws back. ]

Smart little thing, aren't you? [ It's a compliment, as jagged as it is. He pulls out his device and slides it across the table to her. ]

[she bows her head a little in quiet thanks for the compliment, before taking his device. putting herself in, she saves it deliberately as Emily Dyer - not Em, not Emily-chan, her name as it is, and then sends herself a message so she remembers to save Nishitani's information.

passing it back, she picks up her chopsticks at long last, and actually takes a bite of the food. it's good, actually, and she manages a more genuine sort of smile for it.]

Good, isn't it? Got some blood in it, but that's just the secret sauce. [ Nishitani smiles, grinning because he liked the karaage too. It'd been a while since he'd done it, but the memory of standing beside his cousin and Uncle B, an orderly line between them, cutting chicken, battering it, and frying it, is drilled into him along with the recipe. ]

[ He takes his phone back, pockets it without even looking-- already knowing she's not the type to fuck around. ]

[she pauses when he says that, makes eye contact for a brief second - hm. maybe that's why Hibiki isn't protesting this specific food at all, or commenting on it.]

Yours, or someone else's?

[her eyes go back down to take another bite. if she's allowed to eat in peace, she'll enjoy it for the moment it is.]

no one's ever dredged anything to look for me

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