jigokulogs | no one's ever dredged anything to look for me

No, never. I couldn't bear to.

[never if it was in her hands, and she'd turn the knife on herself before having it draw his blood. that she knows with another deep certainty.

she doesn't know if she trusts Nishitani's declaration of love, or rather, his version of it. perhaps it's her own wariness. perhaps it's a protectiveness she doesn't even realize she's grown, wanting to protect the people she loves from anything that might come at them, shielding those who have borne so much already.

his love is a wild thing, and if it consumes too much, she'll rip out its teeth herself. but such thoughts aren't yet conscious ones.]

Would you?

If he wanted to be hurt when fucking. [ Crass, lazy, casual. Pain for him is forever tied with pleasure, a true sadomasochist in the flesh-- one who enjoys inflicting, and being inflicted. There's no shame in his voice or his stance, and instead he just ashes his cigarette before bringing it back to his mouth. His love is carnivorous beast inside his chest. Having someone to reign him in might be best. But like Emily, these thoughts have yet to come to the surface. ]

I'd first tear my own dick off anywhere else. I got shot for him already, what's a few more bullets, huh?

Edited 2022-05-10 07:15 (UTC)

[the twitch in her brow says that's not the hurt I'm talking about before he goes on. she needs to know that his self is safe - that the parts of him that she witnesses when they're alone remain intact. if that can't be assured, then she can't trust this man, not now or ever.]

...then please, swear that to me, Mr. Nishitani. That you won't bring harm to him, or knowingly let him be harmed. Not his body, him.

[his heart.]

Swear it to me on your honor.

[Emily knows as she says it that it's a bold thing to do. bold enough to make some part of her scream that she's crazy, to want to say she's kidding, her heartbeat strong in her ears. but she also knows enough that vows are kept sacred here. as despicable as things can get, loyalty and promises remain intact. and she could care less if this man is loyal to her - it's if he can be loyal to Goro that matters.

if he can, then she'll believe in his love.]

[ Nishitani watches her, that edge of a predator back in. The mouse has teeth, it seems, and is bold enough to bite. He hisses out a breath, the smoke pluming between them. What she asks isn't small, and Nishitani isn't the kind of shithead punk that backs down from his word once given. Nishitani is many things: evil, scum, gangster-- but what qualities go unsaid are what are important here: his loyalty, his resolute nature. ]

[ The mouse bites, but Nishitani doesn't relent. Not yet. ] Then you know he's already hurt and bleeding out. [ There's a fire in Nishitani, hot, burning him alive when he thinks of that scared, choked man just from earlier this morning. It burns for Majima, and it will burn anyone who hurt him. ] He can barely speak about his shitty fucking past without freezing up like a deer about to be hit.

I want those bastards who hurt him fucking dead, I want their guts strung up where I've had them fucking quartered. Anyone who hurts him, anyone who plays their fucking games with him, they'll be right up there alongside them.

The boy he is right now is chained to some bastards who didn't know what to do with promise. I want him out, Emily-chan. The him you know might change doing just that. Would you consider that hurting? Or liberating, even if he might not be the man you knew once free?

I'll never hurt Majima. You can kill me if I do. But letting him grow will be painful, and that's not on me.

[the words she wants, even if they've come with many others. when she's done here, when she's out of this apartment and the door is shut, she'll fall to pieces and shake and let the fear grab her as if it means to rend her apart. but not now. not when she's somehow still clinging onto footing while this territory is completely unknown.

one breath in, and then out. steady. of course she knows about that pain - bleeding from wounds she can't sew, though she desperately wishes she could. Emily doesn't have Nishitani's same bloodlust - those people are two worlds away, and who's to say that he'll ever see them again. someone new appearing, stirring up the thoughts in his head...that's different.]

If he changes with freedom, then so he does. He'll be free, and that's more important.

[some part of her stirs, and whispers Lisa into her ear, guilt pricking her with its familiar needles. the idea of changing so completely you lose yourself, and then it's Goro telling her just wanna be myself again, even as he doesn't know what that self is.]

The paramount fact is that he doesn't have to bear that pain alone. Whether it comes from his past, from changing, from growth...he's not going to have to endure it alone.

[she'd promised, with the sakazuki cup. swore responsibility, as if his blood was her and Izo's own. promised to him in privacy, that she would be there when he decided what he wanted. promised herself, when they had been sitting in that apartment and barely having survived the Lake Spirit's wrath, that she would try and stay.]

Then you have it, my honour, my life, my dick if you want. I won't hurt Goro Majima, and I won't let anyone else who tries live. [ Nishitani is serious, his words binding, just as they had been with Majima before. Putting out his cigarette, Nishitani stands, going to pour himself some something to drink and fetch Emily some water. The glass is put in front of her when he moves back past her, and he sits opposite her once more. ]

I'll be your dog as readily as his. You know more about this place than I do. Point out a threat, Em-chan, and you'll see exactly what I can do.

[she takes a sip of the water, willing her hands not to tremble. he promised, and that would be as iron to ensuring that whatever comes to pass, Goro is safe from him. while it's tempting to say she doesn't need an attack dog, the fact of the matter is that she can't fight as well as others can, and the more allies she has, the better, particularly if they're going to be entwined with their lives. so she only nods, accepting the offer as it stands.]

...I'm not sure if it was mentioned, but I'm a physician. Keep my number in your device, in case you're in need - I'll be there to mend you.

[an offer of her own, in return. the most useful she can be.]

[ Nishitani drinks his booze easily, the intensity of him stripped away, and for her, here, like this, he seems like just a man who made lunch for his partner and his partners partner's, a man in love and protective and trying to keep up with everything that's changed. ]

[ He looks tired, for just a brief second, before he lights up another cigarette and inhales, relaxing the moment the moment he draws back. ]

Smart little thing, aren't you? [ It's a compliment, as jagged as it is. He pulls out his device and slides it across the table to her. ]

[she bows her head a little in quiet thanks for the compliment, before taking his device. putting herself in, she saves it deliberately as Emily Dyer - not Em, not Emily-chan, her name as it is, and then sends herself a message so she remembers to save Nishitani's information.

passing it back, she picks up her chopsticks at long last, and actually takes a bite of the food. it's good, actually, and she manages a more genuine sort of smile for it.]

Good, isn't it? Got some blood in it, but that's just the secret sauce. [ Nishitani smiles, grinning because he liked the karaage too. It'd been a while since he'd done it, but the memory of standing beside his cousin and Uncle B, an orderly line between them, cutting chicken, battering it, and frying it, is drilled into him along with the recipe. ]

[ He takes his phone back, pockets it without even looking-- already knowing she's not the type to fuck around. ]

[she pauses when he says that, makes eye contact for a brief second - hm. maybe that's why Hibiki isn't protesting this specific food at all, or commenting on it.]

Yours, or someone else's?

[her eyes go back down to take another bite. if she's allowed to eat in peace, she'll enjoy it for the moment it is.]

Mine. [ And Nishitani seems all too happy with that fact. His arms are hidden away under his shirt, but if he stripped any further, she'd see the bandages littering his forearms and biceps. Izo had a time, but Nishitani had one too-- excited beyond belief. ] Your boytoy wasn't too happy to see me! Came at me claws and teeth!

[there's a brief, brief stilling of her hand, pausing before the next bite.]

Are you referring to Okada Izo?

[in no world, hell or not, will she sit here and listen to him being disrespected. Nishitani may call her what he likes, and she'll bear it, but not them.]

That's the kid! Fierce, angry, not good at a fight but he has the talent to become better. Just needs a good teacher! [ Nishitani drinks more of his booze, smiling and grinning as if the fight hadn't just happened, like nothing went wrong and everything was fine. ]

[serious as she had been, her eyes widen a tiny bit -

and then Emily can't help it, she has to cover her mouth to not laugh directly in Nishitani's face, as if he just said the most amusing thing in the entire world, laughter stifled in her throat. it's too funny. it's really too funny, hearing that come out of someone's lips.]

My apologies, it's merely...

[breathe, she has to breathe.]

If you're saying that, Mr. Nishitani, with all due respect, he was going easy on you.

[ Nishitani laughs as well, excited by what she says. ] That so? Then I can't wait to see him again! He was holding back on me? That brat! [ Nishitani is alight, instantly, standing up and grabbing his pack of cigarettes, heading over to the window just to look out it-- just to try and see where Izo and Majima fucked off to. Damn! He's fucking dripping thinking about next time already. ] Most assassin's don't know how to throw a decent punch, but you're saying he can?

He absolutely can.

[she's saying this because she witnessed him fight in the events of the parade, not a jot of fear in him, but also because she firmly believes in Izo's ability to win. but before she goes and commits him to combat he never signed up for...]

Ask him for a rematch if you don't believe me. And fight him out of doors, it would be more...thrilling.

[or just where she thinks Izo would have better odds.]

My bloods fucking pumping! I'm dying for a good fight, baby! You're an angel! [ He rounds the table back towards her, his energy electric and eyes wild. He's gotta touch someone, something, and the closest is her. Reaching out, he goes to cup her face. Her lips are beautiful, and he wants to lick into her mouth to see how she tastes with his cooking on her tongue. ]

[he manages to touch her face, but not to get to his true goal - she moves to a standing position as he does, and then takes a step back. it all has to look natural, graceful, an accidental avoidance instead of the truth.]

You're too kind. I'm only relaying the truth of what I've seen.

[and like this, she can't stay. it gives her an idea of how she'll have to handle him in the future, but for now, she'll quit while she's ahead.]

Thank you very much for lunch. I'm sorry to depart so soon, but I have a patient who messaged me - and right now, there's no one I trust enough to send in my place.

[it's true, she had been glancing at her messages - to add his name to her contacts. but he doesn't need to know, since he was at the window.]

Until next time, Mr. Nishitani.

So soon? [ Nishitani clenches his fingers where his palms are suddenly empty. Her warmth had been against his hands so briefly, but addicting no matter. He looks over her, the food she's half eaten, before sighing, running a hand through his hair. ] Let me see you out then, Em-chan. Fuck if these boys clean anything, I'd hate to see you trip!

no one's ever dredged anything to look for me

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