( OPEN / CLOSED — LOG: 1 ) CATCH-ALL

[mrfuckwit]

Who ⬤ Akira Fudou + anyone.
What ⬤ Catch-all for the next few months.
When ⬤ September — ???
Where ⬤ Anywhere he finds his ass.
Content Warnings ⬤ I'm going to assume he's gonna be naked at some point in here, but none so far.

❤

( recommended listening )

Comments

[lemoncandy]

No one can love me.

( The answer comes so immediately— he doesn't mean for it to, and he tenses visibly, lips pursing as he tries to quickly add on. )

There are people that I miss, and even if people are nice to me here, it's just because they don't get anything about me. They're too busy worrying about their own problems.

And that's fine. I just want to get things done.

[mrfuckwit]

<sub>[ There’s an awkward silence as Akira merely watches Shealtiel, trying hard to decipher his feelings. The angel was still such a curious mystery to him; something he wanted to chase after and learn more about. He had so many questions and no idea how to go about them.

A steady hand clasps Shealtiel on the shoulder. ]</sub>

You’re an angel and by default they’re more likable than demons. You spent time with me when I’m probably a pain in your ass, AND you trusted me with a secret. I think you have good things going for you and someone will see those things in you.

_{[ Oh, but then he remembers and quickly withdraws his hand. ]}

Oh, shit, shit. Sorry. I’m just kind of handsy.

[lemoncandy]

( Will they still love me if I'm not an angel?

"No. They won't love you if you're not an angel."

The hand on his shoulder combined with those words makes him tense, but there's none of his usual slaps back this time. He does shoot Akira a look that says he might rip that arm off if pushed— but it dampens immediately. )

It's fine. I'm just... tired of people touching me.

( It's not a huge deal all the time. To explain his contradictory feelings is too much, though. )

I wasn't trying to ask for a pep talk, so you don't have to worry about it.

[mrfuckwit]

Oh. I know you weren’t. I was just saying what was on my mind to you.

_{[ … ]}

I’ll try to remember that. Uh.

<sub>[ Awkwardly, he stuffs his hands in his pockets, as if restraining them from touching Shealtiel again. He walks again, heading towards Enma, full of thought.

Then he suddenly says something he probably shouldn’t. ]</sub>

Do you struggle with accepting yourself the way you are?

[lemoncandy]

I don't want to talk about it. I'm an angel, that's what matters.

( I'm an angel I'm an angel I'm an angel I'm an angel.

He's coping, as he walks, very serious and very tense at the question being aimed his way at all. He's not ready to think about that, no matter how many times it comes up. He can't... )

[mrfuckwit]

<sub>[ Oh no. This won’t be the last time he just speaks his mind, but he does recognize Shealtiel doesn’t like that either.

Interesting. ]</sub>

I.. never said you weren’t. But that is kind of what I was getting at, though. I’ve never met an angel before, so I was wondering.. if you felt lonely sometimes. I mean, there are people everywhere. Humans have each other. But..

_{[ Akira rolls his shoulder in a half shrug. ]}

I’ve never met another Devilman. So sometimes I wonder where my place is in the world now. I have a goal, sure, but I’m just something kind of weird now. Something that shouldn’t be in existence. There shouldn’t be something half human and half demon where I come from.

_{[ He is feeling vulnerable now and he doesn’t like it, so he backpedals. ]}

…

Forget it. I don’t know what I was trying to say.

[lemoncandy]

...Ghh...

( It's the noise he makes, at first. Useless, noncommittal and struggling. He's wringing his hands together in front of himself now, his stone cold expression from just a moment earlier cracking under the pressure of his feelings.

Uncomfortable feelings. Relating himself to... to a demon, he— )

You're really such a pain.

( ...That's the first thing he can manage to say, cringing and squeezing at his hand once more before he drops them. Along with that, he takes in a breath and then sighs slowly. )

I've felt lonely. But... I don't want to talk about it, right now. I don't even know why you're telling me so much about yourself. I never asked for it. ( A pause, and he relents. )

I mean, it's not that I don't want to hear it, but... How can you just open up like that? I can't do that. I feel like running away. So stop it, before I really do.

[mrfuckwit]

_{[ Akira settles his attention on Shealtiel, eyes dropping down to the way he rubs his hands. He's noticed him do this a few times but it's only now its really getting his attention. He listens, somehow in his brain also now realizing that.. yeah he really is talking to much, but also.. ]}

That's how you get to know someone. You talk to them. You tell them about yourself. If you didn't want to get to know me, then why did you agree to have dinner with me?

_{[ ??? why do people here have a problem with doing that..
Akira exhales and closes his eyes for a moment. ]}

Please don't run away from me. I want to get to know you... so maybe we can be less lonely in a world where we might feel misplaced.

[lemoncandy]

( It feels unnatural, maybe because he’s so unused to it. Even now, after handfuls of friends… )

I told you, it was so I could keep an eye on you.

( Stubbornly he continues to insist this, even as his hands still occasionally fidget. Scratches, wringing, a pinch. )

…Anyway, I’m not running, but why are you so worried about me helping you with that? You even have roommates. It can’t be that bad here.

[mrfuckwit]

i don't trust this being in a dead game's log comm. so here is a continuation only if you're still interested!