[it isn't. if she said nothing, if she begged a topic change, he'd listen and respect it, and so it doesn't feel painful to keep breathing. to condense an untold amount of time into something he'll understand defies her words to explain all of. she doesn't even need to beg please believe me, because Emily knows he will. it's no more outlandish than anything else they've seen or gone through - yet there are still the lingering threads of shame. of needing to prove her pain was worth speaking about.

closing her eyes for a second, she leans into his hand. warm, present. so, so far from before]

I ended up somewhere no one should be able to go. Hunted down in a murderous game.

[it is so hard to fall backwards, and trust that she'll be caught. but she will, she must - placing the most jagged, bloody piece of herself in his hand, and waiting to see what he does with it. opening her eyes, putting the truth of it simply.]

I died - and I came back. And trapped there, it happened again, and again, so much so that I have lost track of the count. I died so much that it almost stopped meaning anything.

[she doesn't know if she counts as alive or dead, truly. a cage in an endless maze was what she had said before. how desperate someone would be then for rest. even Hakagemachi - it was safety, as much as it could be. here, she's even farther away, and it cannot be hell, because people she loves are here. because she is allowed, each day, to be Emily - to not be afraid as much as she could be.]