jigokulogs | open 🌙 july catchall

Hm. Maybe. It's fun to look over my shoulder every once and a while to see who's straggling behind me.

[Monts emits a low hum, playing up her pondering face. What comes next may or may not be a surprise. She pauses mid-stroll and for the briefest of seconds, she leans her forehead against Gojyo's shoulder.]

... But sometimes just being next to someone...

[She draws back just as quickly her expression still warm.]

... Is nice in its own way.

[She does however take a few steps ahead of him.]

I usually walk alone at night nowadays. Only in my clan's territory of course. I'm not gonna be the cause or in the middle of a street brawl if I can help it.

Edited 2022-08-17 05:39 (UTC)

Heh, still worried about what happened that one time, huh?

[There was something nice about the little gesture. Enough so to get Gojyo to reach up and ruffle the side of his head slightly with a a bashful smirk in response.]

But still, it's nice to see you're doing all right otherwise. Can't say I wasn't a little worried with all the shit that's bene happening over this past month.

[With that he lowers his hands into his pockets. Humming softly as he watched her trail ahead. Unable to help but wonder how it was that he always ended up strung along by her. He paused to take in the way her dress moved with her movements, the way it glistened off the low city lights that surrounded them surprisingly mesmerizing.]

... Huh. It's a damn pretty night ain't it?

It is, isn't it? Clear skies follow rainy ones after all!

[Even if the rain was blood. She turns her head to glance back at Gojyo.]

Looking at the both of us right now, one wouldn't think we were ever having a hard time in the first place. But we're both pretty good at hiding ourselves, wouldn't you agree?

[The light of the Stardust gathered in her bag seems to amplify her urge to be upfront. And somehow, she doesn't seem to mind.]

[The words had actually managed to catch him off guard for a second, pausing in his step as he he contemplated just exactly how to respond to that. It wasn't as if she was lying about the type of life he had. In fact, she had it pretty spot on. He was just surprised to hear her say it.

Was it because of that one time a few months ago?]

Yeah, I guess you wouldn't be able to tell, huh?

[He smiled, a little calmer of a smile than what he was sporting earlier. But it was still a smile. Popping the cigarette into his mouth and lighting it casually, he inhaled his first shot of nicotine.

Damn, it tasted even better with the dust.]

I mean, 's pretty obvious with me. But at least I'm starting to get my shit together. Surprised though, as much of a damn troll as you can be, you always felt like you knew what you were doing with your life.

[With that he caught up to her in his step. Playfully bumping his shoulder against hers.]

Are you, really?

[Her expression softens as he bumps his shoulder against hers. She stops walking as they enter an alleyway full of lanterns, still brightly lit and shining even this late at night.]

... Actually, being here, I think I've lost some of my direction again.

[She turns away from Gojyo to stare up at the sky, idly thinking about throwing up some of the Stardust into the air and wondering if it could float away until it was far out of reach.]

But you know what Gojyo? I like everyone I've met here in Hell so far.

I like you.

[Whether there had been dust or not, her remark wouldn't have been any different. It's how she truly feels, what she truly wants to say.

... And...]

I wonder if that's all I'll be able to do. Just like someone I mean.

[Perhaps it was the dust, but the low glow of the hanging lanterns in the alley just seemed to look especially nice. The warm light seeming to bounce off of Monts skin in just the right way, contrasting to the cool low backdrop of the night sky. Damn, this scene was so relaxing. If felt nice.

When was the last time he felt so relaxed and just, well, happy?

And then she said what she said. His heart skipping, for just a second as crimson eyes widened and fin ears perked ever-so-slightly in response.

He just wasn't really expecting to hear that from her. Really, he never expected to hear it from anyone.

But then she continued, a soft melancholy seeming to come over the atmosphere as he absorbed the heaviness of such words. Taking another long inhale upon his cancer stick before flicking some of the ashes off, he slowly sidled over to her. His gaze going up, joining her in the view of the lights overhead.]

I guess, when you grow up different from everyone around you, it's hard to feel closer than that to anyone. Makes ya question it. Like it you're really even capable.

[He understood it. Perhaps not in quite the exact same way as Monts. They were very different people with very different experiences, after all. But, in a way, he related to that feeling.]

... Hey, Gojyo?

[She continues to look away from him and that invisible gap she had established so early on between them somehow feels even more vast. Maybe it's the wistful sound of her voice or the way her gaze doesn't try to ease him in as it does sometimes. So close, so far, they're both in the present, she's outside of time itself.]

I know I'm not the only strange individual and I had this weird thought where if I grew up in a place like this maybe I wouldn't be so—

[A pause. The mark on the back of her neck stirs ever so slightly, but it stays immobile.]

It's easy, isn't it? To have a good time here I mean. Enjoy a drink, a pretty face, and someone's body, without a lot of consequence. Before everything happened, it was easy for me to enjoy those things for a long while until it wasn't anymore.

[Is she going to explain what "everything" meant? Perhaps not.

Monts laughs at herself, light but bitter before she turns to him again and walks up to him, closing the gap herself. She holds out her hand.]

Can you give me your hand? I want to check something.

My hand?

[Gojyo turned his gaze with that. Looking down at Monts curiously, even as her own continued to fixate on the scenery around them.

Nah. It wasn't just the dust. Monts really did just look that fucking stunning tonight. His hand twitched, hesitating to reach out to hers. It was funny, usually it was so damn easy to just take a girl by the hand and just whisk her away. To flirt and kiss and dance and more, he never really found much struggle with it.

So why did he feel so hesitant now?

Was it because of what she said?]

I guess you're right about that. That it's pretty easy to lose yourself here.

[A beat.]

But sure, guess you can have my hand. Ain't the first time I had you take it from me after all.

[A subtle reference to the night with the fireworks. A fleeting moment of strange intimate fun shared between the two of them before they were forced to part ways.

Regardless, he took the dive. Reaching out to cusp her hand against his own.]

[Her lips twitch into another smile. Monts knows what he's referring to, her being the one who pulled him along and all. As Gojyo grasps her hand, she moves it so that his palm is facing up and her fingers wrap around his wrist. She's cool to the touch as her thumb traces the pads of his palm down to the line of the veins, stopping where she can feel his pulse.

For several seconds, Marianna is quiet and the world around her is still. There's only her eerie intensity that fills the air between them as her ocean eyes focus on that singular point of warmth and life.]

... Hm. [Her thumb softly presses down on his wrist.]

I used to do this to my past partners... Get a feel for their pulse I mean.

[Her eyes meet him with yet another hard-to-read expression past the pleasant serenity on the surface.]

It's just a way to remind myself that there are more similarities than none between us.

Edited 2022-08-22 21:57 (UTC)

[Her expression was familiar to him—the mask of someone trying to fake being okay when they were unsure if they ever really were.

Gojyo knew many people who sported similar looks. Running in the circles he had, it was impossible not to. And yet he knew better than to question or push it. Monts will tell him how she feels in her own time as she sorts things out in her way. And for now? He was happy keeping at the moment, just as he always had. Crimson red meeting ocean blue as he felt her thumb press into his palm.

Ah, so that was what she wanted, was it?]

I see. So something like this, huh?

[His pulse was steady, not once breaking her gaze as he faced her. He took a single step forward before reaching out with his free hand.

It happened quickly, the way he pulled her forward into his arms. His other hand rested against her head as he held her to his chest. His voice was low now that their bodies were so closely embraced.]

Wouldn't it be easier this way then?

[Now she could hear it. The intense rhythm of Gojyo's heart as it pulsed against his chest. Its steady drum is so very much there.

It was true. Gojyo and Monts were just as much similar as they were different. And, when there's nothing else like you out there, what was wrong with finding the things you had in common with others?

Edited 2022-08-23 01:07 (UTC)

[The sudden hug makes her gasp out a soft, "Oh!" She may have little to no sensitivity to pain, but even Monts can sense warmth and pressure and the touch of another. All at once, she's aware of their difference in stature, how thin her dress felt when pressed up against him. Hands dangle uselessly by her side, uncertain of how to go from here and her thoughts are unclear.

It's a surprise, it's pleasant; didn't she want something like this, hadn't she missed this freely given affection? This whole time, Marianna had told herself that she had been holding back on purpose, to not needlessly indulge.

(She's scared, so scared, to be thrown around and broken again and with no one to stop her and give her the forgiveness she couldn't give herself and to others.)

Although she hesitates at first, her arms slowly reach up and wrap around Gojyo's sides, locking her fingers together. Her hug is gentle in contrast, lingering and light.]

... Yeah.

[She allows herself to enjoy this closeness and his heartbeat and to find solace in how alive it sounds.]

It should be easy, shouldn't it?

[When did simple embraces become heavy with promises that neither of them is ready to keep?]

... Gojyo?

[Her feet shift slightly, but she just gives him a squeeze with her arms, not ready to let go.]

You smell like cigarettes.

[Not pleasant, but somehow comforting as if she finds a fragment of home from just the scent.]

Nnn.

[There was something nice about finally being able to cross that barrier. The sudden physical closeness Gojyo felt to her was somewhat reassuring as he stood there for a second and enjoyed the sensation of her body held so closely within his arms.

Physical contact was his crutch, after all. One of the few things that made him truly feel present and grounded. And, although he was unsure of the limits to what Monts was capable of feeling, he at least knew that she always had his heartbeat.

And so he stood there. He was enjoying the sweet, serene buzz the stardust gave, combined with the warmth of her body and the glow of the lights around them. Closing his eyes as he let himself feel present. Even as she gave a snide comment about his scent, he let it wash off him with barely a reaction. The squeeze of her arms against him meant more than anything else occurring at the moment.]

...Yeah. Guess I do.

[He says, casually switching the unlit cigarette from one corner of his mouth to the other as he spoke.]

Ya mind that?

[Shaking her head, she smiles as her forehead rests against his chest.]

No. Just like this is fine.

[She laughs breathily and nuzzles against him, trying to burrow deeper into the hug if possible. It makes her wonder if she was so touch starved without realizing it, but her indifference to pain made her neglect that need even more.

It may have all been in her head; because she was the only one from her world, because she didn't know how to confide in anyone else who didn't stumble onto her secrets, she didn't want to ask for any of this. But here was Gojyo, here she was, and they just stumbled together into something that is uncomplicated and effortless on the surface.]

Would you be sad if I let go first? Not that I will though.

[She lingers there just to reassure him.]

The saddest.

[Truthfully he was enjoying the sensation too much. Perhaps he was being greedy, keeping a girl he knew was far too good for him trapped in his arms like this. But, if even just for a second longer, he wanted to linger and enjoy it.

The way she nuzzled into him had felt surprisingly intimate. It left his pulse racing faster than he thought it would. Part of him inwardly panicked if Monts was able to pick up on that or not.

Well, it was too late now.

It was only after a prolonged moment that he finally pulled away, but not completely. Instead just enough so that he could look down at her, a soft smile adorning his expression as he reached up and lightly brushed a stray strand of curly brown hair from her face.]

Guess we do have some things in common after all, huh?

[It really was too intimate, but it was too comforting to pass up. She wanted so many intangibles that couldn't be put into words and even if she could, she knows she'd be a coward in vocalizing it, not until she allowed her heart to give in to the only kind of pain she's known.

Gojyo pulls away from her and there's no protest from her and certainly none when he brushes her hair away from her face.]

Yeah. You're not wrong.

[It's how they talked to each other so easily, laughed, and felt at ease in each other's presence. That's how Monts feels anyway.

But.

But.

(She doesn't want doubts, she doesn't want to think about consequences, she's always, always, always thinking about consequences, but, but...—)]

We're alike, right here.

[Her eyes are soft with affection for the half-youkai even as she takes a step back. Her hand reaches up to touch his chest where his heart should be located, feeling for the rhythm beneath.

Her next few words are a murmur, only to be shared between them.]

I think we're both scared of what would happen if we looked inside.

Edited 2022-08-28 03:02 (UTC)

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