(Because he full intends to keep low, stay out of sight, and make it difficult for anyone to find him. He doesn't want to be caught. If he's caught then he failed. If he fails then he isn't useful anymore. He's only useful as long as he can get away with it and not cause more trouble. If he can't be useful, there's no reason for him to even be around anymore. He'll be thrown away. No one will care about him-- it's a cycle of thoughts that play out the worst-case scenario in his head. He doesn't want it. He knows how it feels and he can't feel it again. He doesn't want to.
He barely seems to register what Yizhi is saying. He's so focused on his own desperate thoughts for a moment that by the time he finally tunes back in, Yizhi is offering him daifuku. Or was going to. It doesn't matter. He doesn't want it. He doesn't want his offerings or whatever. He just wants to finish this so he can live his life.)
It's not like I want to do this. I don't wanna do this! Not that you'd believe me.
(But he's shifting his weight, picking himself up in a way to keep Yizhi down still. A knee on his chest, grabbing for one arm... and moving to turn him over. It's quick and forceful. There's nothing gentle about it. He wants Yizhi turned over and he keeps a hold of his arm no matter how awkward the angle might end up being. It's actually... kind of the point to have him at a weird angle, even. It makes it easier to break later.)
no subject
(Because he full intends to keep low, stay out of sight, and make it difficult for anyone to find him. He doesn't want to be caught. If he's caught then he failed. If he fails then he isn't useful anymore. He's only useful as long as he can get away with it and not cause more trouble. If he can't be useful, there's no reason for him to even be around anymore. He'll be thrown away. No one will care about him-- it's a cycle of thoughts that play out the worst-case scenario in his head. He doesn't want it. He knows how it feels and he can't feel it again. He doesn't want to.
He barely seems to register what Yizhi is saying. He's so focused on his own desperate thoughts for a moment that by the time he finally tunes back in, Yizhi is offering him daifuku. Or was going to. It doesn't matter. He doesn't want it. He doesn't want his offerings or whatever. He just wants to finish this so he can live his life.)
It's not like I want to do this. I don't wanna do this! Not that you'd believe me.
(But he's shifting his weight, picking himself up in a way to keep Yizhi down still. A knee on his chest, grabbing for one arm... and moving to turn him over. It's quick and forceful. There's nothing gentle about it. He wants Yizhi turned over and he keeps a hold of his arm no matter how awkward the angle might end up being. It's actually... kind of the point to have him at a weird angle, even. It makes it easier to break later.)