jigokulogs | I put an axe in my baby's head, I'm gonna end up doing time [SEMI-CLOSED]

That ain't "ain't nothin'."

(God! He looks down at his hands, covered in blood rain and dirt. Honestly, Hizen is filthy and he just... shrugs off his hoodie, tossing it aside in a wet pile. Underneath, he just has on a black tank top. As messy as he is, the bandage around his neck stays even if it's been stained a brown color by the rain.

He's also going to roll up Izo's shirt or whatever it is he's wearing to get a better look. He really is trying to be gentle but he can't help but manhandle a bit. An exit wound in the back means... there's no bullet to recover, right? He isn't an expert.

He opens one of the bottles of water first and pours,)

How long were ya out there?

(It's... not really a conversation. It's information.)

[ Ow. Izō flinches and reflexively swats at Hizen. ]

...Dunno. Hours, probably. Last thing I remember clearly is...Ryouma shootin' me.

[ It's hard to remember anything when the youkai inside you takes over as a self-preservation instinct. They may share a consciousness, but it doesn't mean they necessary share memories. ]

Karasu's been in control since then...Kinda.

[ Control is a loose term with that sort of frenzied energy. ]

(And he swats right back and just hisses.

Pouring the rest of the water onto his hands, he opens the bottle of alcohol next. It's as he's soaking the towel that he hears Ryouma and there's a moment where he freezes. He looks up at Izo, concerned.)

Ryouma...?

(Shot Izo...? He's trying to wrap his head around it. He... really can't believe it.)

Somethin'...Somethin' was wrong -- real wrong. I called his fuckin' bluff an' lost that bet.

[ "Ya always were a shit gambler."

The words still sting even now. Not as much as his gunshot wound, of course. ]

I was tryin' to talk him outta gettin' caught up in what th' curse was showin' him, but...He up an' shot me instead'a listenin'.

(It's strange to feel so defensive and protective but also concerned for the exact person he wants to fight right now?)

... Sorry.

(He apologizes in advance before applying the alcohol soaked cloth to Izo's wound,)

He's a dumbass.

(This isn't Izo's fault. It's Ryouma's for being so hardheaded.)

[ Well, that's a new brand of pain. Izō tries his best to endure it and manages not to flinch away, but he can't fight the urge to cry out. This was kind of his own fault (or at least he blames himself like it is), so this is what he gets for his trouble. ]

Fuck... [ He hisses through gritted teeth as the immediate pain subsides. ] An' I know...He's fuckin' stupid. Known that a real long time...

If he'd been smart, he woulda been a better shot an' killed me.

(He won't waste his time with further apologies. He's already said sorry once and he isn't going to do it again!! He knows Izo can handle it anyway. He just keeps dabbing at the wound, trying to clean it of the blood and crime so it won't get infected.

The entire time, he keeps his eyes down. He's no good at talking to begin with and now he has to talk Izo through this? He wishes there was someone better to do it.)

... If he was smart, he wouldn't've had done it at all. (He speaks quietly, like he's unsure but it's more that he's unsure about what he's saying than what he thinks,) Y'know, no one's themselves right now.

[ Hizen doesn't need to talk him through it. Hell, Izō expected him to say nothing and just focus on the injury instead. Not that the effort in unappreciated, just that Izō is equally bad at talking about things. He'd rather deal with physical wounds than emotional ones; the physical wounds heal faster. ]

I fuckin' know...'s why I ain't real mad about th' whole thing.

[ Not that he isn't going to show Ryouma the scar later and remind him of the incident like an asshole. ]

More pissed off at myself for losin' it...Ain't th' first time it happened. Shit like this happened in Hakagemachi -- was hopin' I'd never have t' deal with it again.

(The wound mostly clean for now, he wonders if he should check for pieces or something but there's this real fear that he'll just make things worse if he tries. He doesn't even know how to check--)

We'll get ya a real doctor.

(He wonders what Emily is doing. No doubt, she's busy, but there are other doctors and healers they could call on in a pinch. Kim had known what he was doing when he helped Hizen before. For now, what he can do is keep it clean.

This first aid kit is pretty basic. There's some gauze he can work with but no bandage large enough to wrap around or stick where he needs it to. If he sticks together some of the larger bandages, he can get something that can kind of work so he does that while wishing he was better. THe entire time, he listens.)

That place.

(Hakagemachi. Again. It isn't really an invitation to talk about it. He'd like to keep Izo distracted while he works but that just... doesn't seem like the best topic? But he'll see what Izo chooses to say next.)

No.

[ Firm. He doesn't want to see anyone right now, especially not Emily, because he might lose control again. Hurting her unintentionally is the last thing he wants to do. His injury can't be that bd, given he was running around with it...right? It's fine.

He'll be fine -- at least that's what he's telling himself. ]

...Yeah, that place. It fuckin' sucked. Bein' there was makin' me go crazy. Time was all fucked up, so the same weeks, days, even fuckin' hours'd repeat. Never knew what was goin' on...Without Majima an' Emily...I wouldn't be here.

[ He grimaces, trying to ignore how bad everything hurts right now. ]

We went through a lotta shit together...

We're going to get ya a doctor.

(He says it again. He knows how stubborn Izo is. Hell, he inherited his own stubbornness from him! And that's why Hizen is insistent. They will find a doctor. He will be treated.)

I'll drag ya to one if I have to. (And he'll stay with him if he's afraid. He's applying some pressure to the front now, sticking his extremely mediocre patchwork bandage over it.) I can't... take care of this.

(He's not a healer. He's a fighter. He's useless here?)

The best I can do is find someone better. If ya've been through shit together then... Emily'll know.

(AT LEAST?)

I said no!

[ He doesn't know how long he can keep control of himself. All things considered, it's not a life-threatening wound. Painful, unpleasant, and definitely needing better handling than this? Yes. But will it kill him if he puts off proper care until he feels more stable?

Probably not. ]

I ain't goin' t' see her...She got better shit t' do. [ At least he's not fighting the first aid. ] An' ya should get goin' once yer done...I'll be fine here. Jus' need t' rest a li'l.

(Izo snaps and Hizen only snaps back because they are exactly the same,)

I'm trying to take care ya!

(His temper is flaring and its enough to get him to stop what he's doing for a second,)

I don't care what she's got going on! You're more important! (The most important to him right now. Always one of his most precious people. As his temper rises and his emotions begin to boil over, he can feel himself starting to just vibrate in his own body. He's trembling with frustration,) I'm not leaving.

Even if ya want me to... I'm staying 'til I know you're gonna be okay.

[ Izō looks like a scolded dog as Hizen's anger boils over. It doesn't feel good to have people worrying about him, as stupid as that sounds. They shouldn't worry about him...He isn't worth it.

He's not going to push Hizen away, though. Izō doesn't say anything, just pulls him into a hug. They're both sticky from the blood rain, but it doesn't matter. They could both use the comfort right now. ]

...I promise I'll be alright. Th' hell kinda master would I be if a li'l thing like this took me out?

(He isn't expecting this at all and he naturally resists at first. He tenses and tries to push back but

it feels nice. Even if they're filthy and dirty and everything is terrible, it feels nice. Honestly, it makes him feel a little stronger just to be held by someone so special. He doesn't move. He's completely frozen in Izo's arm and he whispers,)

The best. Ya'd still be the best.

[ That just earns him a tighter squeeze. Izō just holds him like that for a little bit longer before he loosens his grip, resting his forehead against Hizen's. ]

Yer th' best sword I coulda had. A sword's name don't mean shit to me, jus' it's ability t' cut...'S why I made sure to take care'a ya.

So don't worry...I ain't gonna jus' fuck off an' leave ya. Jus'...need some time t' make sure I ain't gonna lose it again. Better if ya ain't here...

(It's all enough that his shaking stops and he seems to calm down. He still doesn't move and if he's honest, he feels like... he's having some weird out of body experience where he isn't really in the room. Free hand curls into Izo's clothes and he just takes a moment to breathe and recenter himself,)

I'll do whatever ya want. I'll fight whatever ya want and kill whoever you wanna kill and... if ya want me to stay or go... I... I'll do whatever ya want me to do.

(He means it. He really means it.)

'cause ya kept me when no one else would've wanted me and ya care about me when no one else did. Even if we're in hell and... even if ya aren't the same Izo I know... I'm still Okada Izo's sword. I'm yours.

So... I'll do whatever ya tell me.

(If he wants Hizen to leave, he will. He won't like it. But he will.)

Edited (bc the mistake was killing me im sorry) 2022-06-15 14:59 (UTC)

[ It feels cruel to ask him to leave now, but it's safer if he does. Hizen's safety is most important. If he succumbs to the frenzy again, there may be no stopping himself. Izō sits there, holding him for a little while longer. ]

I'll find ya after this settles down, alright? ...Promise. So get outta here.

[ He hesitates for a moment, then gives in and ruffles Hizen's hair before pressing a kiss to his forehead. ]

Thanks...for ev'rythin'.

(Perfectly still, waiting for an answer and... to say he wasn't hoping for Izo to say something else would be a lie. He'd really hoped Izo would let him stay but hearing his final answer is... Well, his heart feels like it's dropped and it hurts more than he really wants to admit.

After what feels like forever, he moves to wrap a set of bandages around Izo. He takes his time. If he pretends he's just trying to be careful, he can spend a little more time here. If he acts like it's just first aid, he doesn't have to admit he really just wants to hold onto Izo a little longer. There's something almost mechanical about the way he moves, like he's on autopilot and just going through the actions he needs to. He isn't really focused. He can't focus.

Once finished, he rises back onto his feet, his head down and his fists clenched, his knuckles white around his sword. He takes in and lets out a shaky breath. Izo can probably see from his angle that he's frowning and there's a lost sort of look in his eyes. If he says something now, he knows his voice will shake in that way that embarrasses him and makes him angry. He knows his throat will feel tight and his eyes are going to sting in that way he hates.

... And he runs away. He'd rather be out in the rain than stay where he isn't wanted.)

[ Izō slumps back down once Hizen's out of sight. It doesn't feel good to let him go like that. It makes him feel worse than the gunshot wound. Emotional hurt isn't something he can so easily ignore. That needs to be buried deeply like everything else.

... He'll make it up to Hizen. Once this is all over, he'll make it up to him. If he doesn't, he isn't sure how he'd live with himself. Hizen doesn't deserve to bear the brunt of his insecurities and emotional damage.

The frenzy eventually returns. He tears the bandages off and leaves a trail of fresh blood in his wake as he rushes back into the streets. ]

I put an axe in my baby's head, I'm gonna end up doing time [SEMI-CLOSED]

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