jigokulogs | June 2022 Event

June 2022 Event

1. SWIMSUIT TROUBLES (1 POINT)

As the city goes through its daily motions, the heat bears down harder and harder while bringing out some increasingly overheated behavior from the local population. Summer is here and the natives are flocking to the shopping district: both as a respite from the scorching temperatures and to stock up on the needed supplies to beat the heat.

That means one noticeable problem: the bathing suits left on the racks aren’t the most fashionable at this point! Suits are scarce and what is left over are the skimpy, the oddly-patterned, a size too small, or all of the above. Then again, you are probably just feeling lucky you aren’t in the Shuten Clan, who have been provided their own precious supply of freshly laundered tiger stripe bikinis. And nothing else.

You may be able to borrow around within your own faction, where the pickings might not be so slim, but are still unlikely to match your personal style. Better hope you ran out to buy something nice when the Daitengu first announced the party.

2. BEACH GAMES (1 POINT)

The indoor beach facility that the Alliance has provided is extraordinary. It’s massive! It seems to extend to the size of an entire soccer field. With the combinations of Kappa tech and Tengu magic, the experience has been made as close to a natural one as anyone could ask for. The heat of the beach feels true to the real world, the sand is white and pure, and the waves rolling in and out are just like the mortal realm. Even the palm trees and beach scrub seem entirely authentic. The vibe is immaculate.

Each faction has their own area set up for meeting and mingling but everyone is welcome to let loose and interact among all the groups.

SHUTEN CLAN

The Shuten Clan has set up their beach fort with food and drinks. The drinks on offer are a particularly strong Oni beer and a few spirits (especially sake). These drinks have been mixed so that anyone who imbibes them will feel a heightened sense of competition and the need to prove themselves!

There are plenty of opportunities to show off:
Learning surfing with a few knowledgeable Oni.
Volleyball matches.
Shoulder chicken tournaments.
Beer pong.
Drinking contests that never seem to stop.
And friendly scuffles with some of the Shuten who are feeling more rowdy than usual.
In particular, the volleyball matches appear to be the Shuten Clan’s sport of choice. They’re taking these matches deathly serious. With all powers allowed in play, the game is truly deadly with how powerful, how fast, and how fierce those spikes and volleys are. Hold nothing back and leave it all in the ring!

Toraguma himself is here in his tiger striped best! He’s observing the games and taking note of which Shutens do well and which ones shame the clan with their defeat. He’ll give out rewards to those he thinks are exemplifying the pride of the clan. Don’t worry though, if you’re not up to snuff you won’t be punished; except with Toraguma’s obvious disappointment.

TAMAMO CLAN

The Tamamo Clan doesn't disappoint either. Their tiki bar is set up with a far greater variety in stock than the Shutens. Every drink seems to be made to that Lost Soul’s exact tastes. Watch out, this may compel you to pound them back more quickly than normal. The drinks will make you feel much closer to those around you — either in camaraderie, or something more intimate. The Tamamos have arranged a number of floats, inner tubes, and water wings lounging in the water. Enjoy your time together!

When you aren’t relaxing, the Tamamo Clan has also arranged huge buckets of water balloons and have filled their water guns. The instructions are clear: whether sniping from afar or going in on a full assault, go nuts. Especially against the Shutens. Lady Tenkohime herself has a high-caliber, sniper-grade water rifle with her at her lounge chair. She will occasionally pick some unlucky soul to fire off devastating rounds against. She is not soaking them in just water, of course. This is the Tamamo clan’s patented ‘perfume’, which inspires the most amorous feelings.

Finally, the Tamamo have also inspired a spicy wet t-shirt contest. It’s essentially a sexy beauty contest, but given the variety of bodies and hidden ‘talents’ tucked away under everyone’s clothes, it should prove interesting! Tenkohime has described the simple rules:
One must wear the provided white shirt and only that shirt.
The crowd will soak them down.
And the crowd will judge how well they pull it off.

SUTOKU CLAN

The Sutoku Clan has been given free reign on a fleet of jet skis and paddle boats; perfect for two. There are boogie boards and larger inner tubes ready to be attached to different jet skis. Just be careful, ok?

A large snack bar has been provided with cheerful yokai behind the counter ready and willing to serve up your heart’s desire. There are some strange candies towards the end of the bar, they taste a bit funny but once you eat one you’re compelled to have a few more. These sweets will give you the power to breathe underwater. What is the meaning of this power? Well, you’re in the Alliance, after all, you figure out what’s under the waves.

Sutoku games include things like kan jam and frisbees, but Sutoku Souls are also very much encouraged to participate in the Shuten Clan’s volleyball tournament. Much to Toraguma’s frustration, the Alliance has planted a Tengu referee who seems to really favor the Alliance players over his own. Use your powers liberally.

The Daitengu is in attendance with sunscreen marks on their mask, for some reason. They’re being a total busybody, as usual. They’re really taking the time to chat up Tenkohime and Toraguma, even if the two want to rip each other’s throats out. Could a resolution to the turf war be on the way? One can only hope!

ENMA DEPARTMENT

The Enma is instructing the members of the Department to volunteer (aka voluntold) for lifeguard duty. The shifts are short — it is ultimately a party — and participation will net you both free food and drink from any of the vendors, as well as license to let loose for the rest of the party! The fare provided by the Enma vendors is pretty staid, but it does fill you with the odd need to run down the beach shallows in slow motion. Not sure what that’s about.

There is one further task that is expected of the Enma Department: suikawari. It is a big deal and to be taken seriously! This is the Enma’s favorite beach activity and the only diversion that he cares about. Your guess is as good as anyone’s, but it’s probably because the game resembles a form of execution. Regardless! Every officer is expected to do at least one round of the game as a form of initiation to the Department itself. Captain Shiki hosts the game in the absence of the Enma. Someone should tell her to chill out with that whistle, though.

3. BONFIRE (1 POINT)

As the hosts of the event, the Sutoku Alliance has set up a massive bonfire as the sun begins to set and stars light up the magical sky. There’s a romantic feeling in the air. Things seem as chill as they ever could be, there are no Haniwa in sight! Things feel peaceful for the first time in a while.

A final happy hour is declared, with free libations for everyone to close out the night. It’s time to finish this party in style. For anyone particularly watchful, they may spy the extraordinary sight of Toraguma and Tenkohime together. Off in the shadows while the party rages on, they are sitting together and watching the waves roll in. What could they be discussing? It will remain a mystery, getting any closer to them would be a deadly mistake.

The evening closes without any major incidents. Nothing seems like it could spoil the mood. It almost feels too good to be true.

4. AND THEN... (2 POINTS)

As all the party goers change back into their clothes and exit the facility, there is a rumble of thunder over Jigokucho. The stars are quickly swallowed by a darkening sky and the ground shakes. A minor earthquake? That’s not unheard of but the sky above is looking threatening. Evil. Darkness washes out over the entire city, none of its many bright lights able to cut through. Something is wrong. Something is happening.

A warm rain begins to fall, spattering across you and your surroundings. It becomes quickly apparent that you are not doused with water, but with blood.

The silence is shattered suddenly when a scream cuts across the whole of Jigokucho. An accursed miasma pours out from every direction. Then you see them: the Haniwa. They are everywhere, gazing from every direction, pressing in. Something has gone terribly wrong.

Captain Shiki is the first to act. She makes a call to Kaigo no Bou, but what she hears is enough to freeze her in her tracks.

The containment center deep beneath the tower where the Haniwa were being stored has been compromised. All of the cursed energy that was stored there has leaked out into the city from below. The guards below are dead. No one is answering their radio. It is not just the containment center that has been compromised, but all of Kaigo no Bou.

Captain Shiki struggles to remain calm as she gives out orders. Her entire command structure has been decimated, but she has to keep these people safe. She urges everyone to seek shelter, immediately. Everyone needs to partner up and stick together.

None of the faction leaders present arguments and they enforce this ruling with their Souls. They direct everyone to make their way back to their home base. Shuten to the Arena, Tamamo to Mizukume, and Sutoku to Konoha. There, their faction leaders can protect them.

As for the Enma officers: they are on rescue duty. You will be heading out into the city to rescue as many people as possible from the nightmarish effects of the cursed energy on the city. Captain Shiki will act as their point of command at the indoor beach.

Good luck, everyone.

5. IN THE CURSED NIGHT (2 POINTS)

A rain of blood is sprinkling all around you. It pings off sign posts and garbage bins, it splatters wetly onto the concrete and your face. The scent is pungent and thick; spoiling. It is soaking in to your hair, your clothes, your skin. It is driving you mad: your pulse spinning, breathing short.

There are noises in the impenetrable darkness. Fox feet on the pavement, crow wings shifting on a perch, a stranger's cruel laughter. The dark energy that has swallowed you is bemused by your smallness, is lurking at the edges and waiting for the moment to strike. Hold tight to your fellows, lest in the darkness another hand be placed in yours. Do you know who you walk with? What you walk with?

The Haniwa are watching you from every surface; crowded together as one with their empty eye sockets and open mouths. Their dark eyes turn to follow where you go as you stumble through your nightmares and your delusions. They breathe in your suffering on the air.

Beware the onibi, they will lead you astray.
Beware the grasping hands in the trees.
Beware the whispers in the distance.
Beware the slope to the river.
Beware. Beware.

Welcome to the June event!

Art by astrono77153462
Special shoutout to vandalisto for coming up with the meat of this event; the beach party. They approached us with this as a player plot, and it was good enough that we made it into the full event for the month. Excellent work, Vandal!
If you have any questions about event content, please ask them here!
If your character participated in the volleyball games, see here! If they participated in the wet t-shirt contest, see here!
If you have questions about the game itself, please check out the premise, FAQ, and rules pages.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

He takes special care with all of his partners, whether they're paying customers or personal acquaintances. The work they do is important and Tenkohime's vision for the world has started to appeal to him more and more. A world of freedom and equality, of peace and bliss, where they can put their differences aside and all simply be themselves... It sounds beautiful and less of an impossibility to him now than it had seemed at first. If he and Jin Guangyao can overcome their bitter, tragic history to live in harmony and work alongside each other for a purpose greater than themselves, anyone can if given enough incentive and time to do so.

That innate idealism starts to re-emerge at long last after being buried and hidden for so long. Romanticism and hope had wound up being weaknesses in their world but perhaps, that, too, can be a strength here in Jigoku-cho within the Tamamo Clan if he opens himself up to it. Both that thought and Jin Guangyao's words send his heart racing a little with excitement.

He could have a life here. A good life, a happier and more fulfilling one in this place. Maybe he can re-negotiate his contract payment with Tenkohime one day, rather than immunity for himself and his own descendants, he could transfer it to another branch and just stay here instead. He'd still be fulfilling his duty to his sect without condemning himself to a life wasted in misery.

Nie Huaisang finds himself nodding a bit more eagerly than initially intended.

"Y-Yes... A-Yao, you may."

It might seem like he's getting ahead of himself or rushing things but he knows himself and he knows the kind of life that he wants. He's always known.

He moved in closer, gently taking his face in both hands. Looking into his eyes for a good long moment. Nie Huaisang was the Yin to his Yang. On the other side of the coin, the silver in his eyes contrasts with the gold in his own. He saw him, all of him. The fear and sorrow that was there for so long and the optimism and romanticism that was there now. He felt the same way.

He wanted him and was somehow allowed to kiss him? Was this diyu? He couldn't believe it.

He had not kissed anyone since Qin Su...

Jin Guangyao took a breath nervous and short before leaning forward to press his lips to the others.

His eyes closed and he kissed him softly, still closed-mouthed, almost exploratory. His fingers gently moved to card into his soft hair.

In contrast, Nie Huaisang kisses his clients all the time with various degrees of softness and enthusiasm, depending on what the individual wants. Though it would be far more accurate to say that Takaramomo, the courtesan character he plays at work does. He's acting out a role there, much like he did as the Headshaker for so many years back home or as one half of the artist duo Hanatori. Nie Huaisang isn't kissing anyone on the job; his professional persona does and there's a divide between the two. So far, he's kept it vague but if he and Jin Guangyao are going to be in a relationship from now on, he'll need to enforce stricter boundaries with his clients so the lines between his occupation and personal life remain clear.

How ironic and unexpected for a man of Nie Huaisang's rank to take to a life his own men back home would look down on like a fish to water. But here, neither he or Jin Guangyao are chained by their bloodlines. Here, they can be who they were always meant to be instead of the cold, calculating, manipulative monsters the cultivation world had turned them both into.

He leans into that touch, kissing back slowly with equal softness, answering in kind by scooting in closer, drink still in hand thanks to the balancing skills he's developed at work. He lingers, his confidence growing by the moment just as it had during the wet t-shirt contest.

Jin Guangyao thinks it is time to stop his side hustle of doing dom services. It mostly makes him uncomfortable putting on an act like that still. At least with dancing, he can keep people at arm's length. It wasn't really bringing that much, to begin with and he need to stop breaking himself to please people.

There were a few friends he did not mind helping out with sex work, but he must be very comfortable with them first.

He melted into the kiss with his whole body. His lips moved against the others. He pressed against the other man and allowed himself to be led into it. There was a sense of deep longing in the motions, something he had denied himself for far far too long. A man who was drinking for the first time after a lifetime without. His heart would not stop pounding against his ribs, and he was sure he was trembling in Huaisang's hands.

When he broke away to breathe, he looked at him through half-lidded lashes.

"D-do you really want me?

I'm broken...you know." his voice was soft and trembling, his vulnerability showing on his face. He wanted it so much. To be loved. To be someone's, to be home and safe and just loved.

He hadn't realized that his face was wet.

"I'm broken, too, remember?"

He has to be to view a life with the man who murdered his only family, a man whose murder he himself orchestrated in literal hell as preferable to anything that's waiting for him back home. Without Wei Wuxian around to remind him of his obligations to the living, it's all too easy for him to turn away from them now. He has the freedom to walk his own path that he'd always wanted and could never have as the heir and leader of a cultivation sect. Maybe if he was strong like his brother, he'd be able to resist this allure but he's not. For better or worse, he's always been drawn to Jin Guangyao, whether the emotion driving him is love, hate, or a bewildering mixture of both that probably makes no sense to anyone but them. People can be confusing, complex, and strange sometimes and they're no different from anyone else in that regard.

"I would have objected if I didn't," he murmurs as he brushes away the other man's tears with the same gentleness he handles his birds with.

"I'm happy. I'm really happy. Sometimes I feel scared to be happy. Like it is too good to be true and the ground will fall under my feet if I am" he closed his eyes. Leaning in against the touch.

"I love you Nie Huaisang. I hope you know that. From the boy you were to the man you are now." His fingers moved in through his hair.

Honestly, he's still not ready to say those words out loud. Nie Huaisang's already dealing with a lot emotionally just by accepting Jin Guangyao this far back into his life after everything that had went wrong between them. It's overwhelming for him, too, all of these drastic changes from the lonely, empty life he'd grown accustomed to.

He still needs time for his heart and his head to fall into proper alignment. So he's just going to have to hold Jin Guangyao closer in a close, desperate embrace and hope his meaning comes through.

It was alright if he wasn't ready. He just clung to him, shifting so he was now on his lap. He knows he has had more time to sit with his death and the deep feelings that came with it. He pressed his face into Huaisang's neck, inhaling the scent that was so familiar to him now. He held on tightly. He just needed to have the physical contact after being unmoored for so long.

He was so full of feelings, more than he knew what to do with. He was happy. But also sad for the boys they couldn't be back home. For the family they lost along the way, the parts they had carved out of one another.

"Let us fill the cracks together, then."

Phrasing!

Koemi please don't ruin the moment.

Stop being dramatic you two little ones. This is a good thing. I have been here waiting for you two to kiss for ages!

Koemi!

kekkekekekee!!!

Of course, they're dramatic. When are they not dramatic?

For his part, Nie Huaisang is calmer, satisfied that Jin Guangyao understands what he's still unable to say. When he's ready to open up more, he'll say what needs to be said. For now though, he's content to just relax and enjoy the moment. Who knows when the next disaster will strike?

A romantic entanglement with a former enemy turned friend when both parties are in the business of selling dreams that they're available is already complicated without learning how to navigate a relationship with an inescapable third party. However, this is the path they've both chosen to walk in this life.

He just holds Jin Guangyao, his drink spilled and forgotten on the sand for the time being.

He runs his fingers down through his hair, placing small kisses along his neck. He was really beautiful and the confidence he was gaining day by day made him all the more so.

He let out a soft contented sigh and closed his eyes. This was nice. The ocean breeze, the warm fire roaring behind him. Being surrounded by his warm familiar scent. He just wanted him. He felt safe for the first time in a long time. There was still so much, but he knew he was no longer alone in his path. They were both together, both Tamamos.

He settled into his lap much like a contented fox. His tails wagged happily, back and forth before curling around the both of them.

The kisses feel nice and hit differently than the ones he receives at work. It's a bit warm to have him in his lap and tails wrapped around him in the summer heat with the bonfire so close behind them but Nie Huaisang will indulge him and allow him to have this moment. Jin Guangyao's indulged him continuously in the years since they first met and has taken care of him these past few months, despite their past, and that holds meaning and significance to him.

After a few seconds, he initiates a kiss of his own, a bit more open-mouthed and passionate than the past. It's really improper but in a clan like the Tamamo Clan, does propriety really matter all that much? Especially after his performance during the contest.

He intertwines his fingers in the other man's hair, still holding him securely on his lap.

He kissed him back, open-mouthed and passionate, meeting him where he was at. He allowed Huaisang to take the lead, swiping the tip of his tongue against his lips, lapping him up as if he was a man dying of thirst. He wanted him so badly, his body just meeting him there.

His breath hitched in his throat. this display was even more shameless than Wei Wuxian in the temple, but who was here to judge them? Not Er-ge or Jin Ling or Jiang Wanyin. The ones who were here knew what they did for a living.

He dragged a fang across Huaisan's lower lip, not enough to cut but to bruise it deliciously.

It's certainly shameless but they're in the Tamamo Clan for a reason. If any of his clients ask questions about it, all he has to do is spin a convincing lie and deflect their attention elsewhere. It's not hard to trick others after learning what they're about and which exploitable weaknesses yield the greatest results. His profession puts him in a great position to get the information he needs.

However, right now, he's not Takaramomo the courtesan. He's Nie Huaisang with the source of the heartbreak that ruined his life for ten years who has somehow become the partner he trusts and depends on over all others in this place. And right now, feelings long-buried that he refused to let himself acknowledge or feel until after Jin Guangyao was dead and his brother was avenged are bubbling to the surface, overtaking his reason.

The fang bruising his lip sends a thrill through him, his own lips curling into a somewhat feral smile of his own before deepening the kiss. He flops over onto his back, mouth still locked to Jin Guangyao's, pulling him down on top of him without a thought or care to any audience around the bonfire that might be awkwardly watching them make out.

Edited 2022-06-16 08:29 (UTC)

This was different, it was closer to the wanton overwhelming desire he had felt the first time when he was Qin Su. Kissing a man was a bit different, a bit harder than her soft lips. But it was no less wonderful. He loved the feeling. The feeling of being wanted for himself. Not for what he can do or what he can bring.

That turned him on more than anything else being seen, being wanted for himself. He let out a soft husky moan that rumbled from the depths of his chest. His tails curled up as he continued to kiss him deeply.

He allowed himself to be pulled down on top of his friend, his family by oath, his killer. His hips pressed in close seeking purchase. He didn't care who saw them like this. He didn't have to worry for once in his life what anyone thought of him. He wanted, wanted, and wanted. He bit and nipped and kissed. As if he could mark up this beautiful man and claim him with only his lips.

Edited 2022-06-17 00:03 (UTC)

It truly is liberating, not caring what anyone else thinks and leaving them to stew in their own juices. Why stress oneself out over what a bunch of disconnected strangers think or what judgments they may have about his choices? This moment isn't about anyone but the ones directly involved in it.

So as long as they're enjoying themselves and neither of them takes things too far into the extreme, no one else matters. For now, he allows his hands to wander, exploring and mapping out every inch of bare skin and the touch of silky hair and soft fur passing over his bare skin.

However, if they go too far here, Nie Huaisang's going to wind up with sand in some very unfortunate places considering the g-string he's wearing and the sarong only covers so much.

Still, it's easy to get caught up in the pleasurable sensations. Each of those nips and bites and the feeling of those hips grinding against his tempt him to cast aside all decorum and public decency and both of their swimsuits and make love to Jin Guangyao right here and now. They've been moving toward this for over a decade, neither of them having the freedom to act or even explore the truth of themselves.

"A-Yao," he breathes when they come up for air, forgetting what he was going to say for a moment when he looks up directly into his eyes. Then the words he hadn't been able say a few moments ago suddenly slip out as natural as breathing, his voice so soft only Jin Guangyao would be able to hear it.

"I love you."

There will come a time when they could take their time, and explore one another's bodies and themselves. But this would need to be done away from prying eyes. He felt like it will be like peeling years and years of walls off. He did not want an audience for it.

His heart stopped when he heard him whisper that phrase. He knew. It was the truth of them. That they loved one another in a way that they could tear one another apart. He saw him. He saw him all along. The emotions welled up in him and threatened to spill out again in fat rivulets. "I love you too A-Sang." his voice was soft and husky, full of all the teetering emotions he felt inside himself. He pressed his forehead against the others and just felt his presence next to his own. His heart beating fast in his ears. At this moment they were both 20 and 36 all at once. Thier lives mirror one another in a dance.

"I had thought that it was Er-ge, was it you all along?" he whispered softly, almost incredulously.

Neither of them have ever been the people their roles in society dictated they should be. A low-born commoner with talent and ambition beyond his station and a high-born gentleman without enough of either to excel in his own - what a pair they make.

Partners in a dance of life and death.

Had Nie Huaisang failed again in that final skirmish would they have eventually found their way back? If they hadn't both wound up here, would they have met again in their next life? Maybe the real reason Nie Huaisang is here in the Tamamo Clan now is to correct his mistakes and resolve these conflicts before his next life. Maybe Jiang Cheng was right and he was already dead and whatever obligation he had to the living is over.

"I... I don't know. Maybe I wasn't wrong and you're still the one, after all," he echoes quietly, a little confused and shaken.

Edited 2022-06-18 04:17 (UTC)

It was odd. He had always thought it was Lan Xichen. They knew each other since they were youths after all. He loved him more than anything often breaking himself in order to make things go easier for him. He rebuilt Cloud Recess to exactly as it had been. As if he could Wipe away the memory of war, the scars on the wood. He thought that Lan Xichen was his soulmate. Perhaps he hoped more than anything that if he were to show him his true face, he would understand.

He did not.

He could not.

In the end Huaisang’s words just removed that caul from both of thier eyes, seeing the truth of one another.

Perhaps it was all the odder that Nie Huaisang saw him all along, could innately understand him in a way neither of his sworn brothers ever could.

His voice was soft. “What do you mean by that, A-Sang?” He asked. His fingers delicately pressing through his hair.

Jin Guangyao wasn't the first person to overlook or underestimate him. It happened often enough that Nie Huaisang learned how to weaponize it and use it to his advantage. He's used to it but he knows how crushing it can be when a person's heroes or loved ones disappoint them. He'd lashed out at Lan Xichen in the end, unwilling to humor or tolerate his superficial kindness and loyalty any longer. For all of Nie Huaisang's regrets, forcing Lan Xichen to face reality and honor his oath to his brother isn't one of them.

However, Nie Huaisang doesn't want to think about Lan Xichen any more than necessary. He'd rather enjoy this peaceful, romantic interlude without that bitter taste in his mouth. They can talk about him later. Right now, they're talking about themselves.

"Well... When I first met you, i just had this feeling... Or thought I did. There was just something about you that i could never tear my eyes away from. I always wanted to be near you, to see you. Everytime you'd visit, it felt like... coming home, somehow. It never made any sense because I was always at home."

Then Nie Mingjue died, his corpse disappeared, and Nie Huaisang had no choice but to step into the darkness to find him and investigate the truth of the matter himself. It's been a long, slow, and arduous journey filled with one horrifying revelation after another until he believed in nothing and no one anymore. It was then that he'd truly lost everything and everyone that had ever mattered to him, leaving nothing left but his filial duty and thirst for revenge.

He looks away, blinking back sudden tears. Even after all these years, everything he did to set things right, and all the work they've done to repair their relationship, the memories still hurt.

Edited 2022-06-19 03:09 (UTC)

He leaned up and pressed his lips to his forehead. He had been crushed by heroes and loved ones both, more times than he could count. It tore him every single time. Like he was at the precipice of the stairs and falling forever.

"I loved visiting you. It was really uncomplicated back then. I'm so sorry Huaisang. I know what I did broke you. I wish I could have kept you that sweet and innocent. That I never had done such a thing. It's alright, You can let it all out. I won't go anywhere." his voice was soft and soothing. He deserved to let it out and release the feelings that he held back for so long.

"It must have been so hard for you. Doing all of it alone. I'm so sorry. I never would wish for another to walk the path I did. Much less someone I loved. I never knew that you felt that way." his fingers moved his hair from his face, soft kisses pressing against his face.

"I caged you in a place that forced you to become like me..."

The tenderness helps settle Nie Huaisang's nerves. The genuine apology and acknowledgment of the damage he'd done help as well. He leans into those kisses, allowing himself to be comforted and soothed. It eases his suffering to be seen for who he truly is and understood. Life has been very hard for him, the last ten years especially but his life had never been as easy nor had he ever been as happy or carefree as he'd presented himself as. Nie Huaisang had felt lost and troubled even before the war.

It truly is odd to feel both youthful and old at the same time like this. It's like they've somehow managed to come back around full circle to where they once were, just older and wiser now than they'd been back then.

"It's over now," he says, sounding tired and much more like his actual age. "It'd be disrespectful to forget those who are dead or hurt because of us but I don't want to keep wallowing in the past either. I made a decision the day I sealed you and Da-ge away, a commitment to letting the past lie and moving on to the future and I intend to keep it."

It has felt like they've been starting anew ever since that first awkward meeting in their shared apartment and by this point, they've settled into a stable partnership, even before this talk.

"It is not necessarily wallowing if you are grieving, both the death of your loved ones and the person who were. This is a lot that you had to hide deep inside you for a long long time." he pressed his lips to his face again.

"You have ten years' worth of it built up. It'll come up now and again and we will work through it. I know you are committed to the future we want. But as long as you push it in and away the more it will rear its ugly head. take it from someone who had walked that path." his hand sought out Huaisang's and he squeezed it.

They were partners and he will walk with him on this path. It did not matter what they will be through it will be together.

"Goodness, if I could have my way I would just ravage you here and now. This light makes you look absolutely radiant, you know." he gave him a soft smile.

Nie Huaisang's locked so much inside, buried it so deeply over the years that he only barely recognizes himself as real anymore. Both the kiss and the sweet, understanding words ground him, however. He's willing to follow his lead on this; they've managed to trust each other this far without bringing each other to ruin. He squeezes his hand back, feeling peaceful and content.

"When we get home," he promises, meeting Jin Guangyao's gaze and smiling back. "You can do whatever you want to me. Explore what makes us both feel good. We don't have to rush. We can take our time. Savor the experience."

It's been a long time coming.

"I would like that." he closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to his now boyfriends?! Was this really happening?

He reached out to squeeze the other's hand in his own and smiled softly.

"You know there is a perk of having a boyfriend who shares the same size as you. You may have my body and my closet. That is actual trust there." he joked with a soft smile playing on his lips. This was warm, soft, and safe. It felt good in a way he had not felt in many years.

"Let's take our time and do what feels right. I want to make love to you properly I think."

Nie Huaisang laughs softly, carefree in a way he hasn't been in a decade. Moments like this are rare, ones free of worry and stress when he can just feel close to someone and enjoy it. It's been so long.

"I think I'm ready to head home if you are. You can have access to my wardrobe as well. And my designs, too, free of charge."

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taintedpeony - 2022-07-02 00:46 (UTC) - Expand

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illicitly - 2022-07-02 01:05 (UTC) - Expand

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