semi-closed 🔪 not pulling the knife out

[pitfight]

Who ⬤ this feral fucking dog and various bedside wellwishers
What ⬤ nishitani got real stabbed and now is in his recovery bed phase (spoiler: he's bad at it)
When ⬤ late may
Where ⬤ emily's clinic and andy's apartment
Content Warnings ⬤ Nishitani CW as always. Most likely discussions of intense, violent sadomasochism and the chance of practicing it too

if you would like to tag into this/want a starter, hmu at bussy!

Comments

[pitfight]

I would. [ Hypocritical and Nishitani knows that. He offers her a shrug given the standstill they're at-- nothing she says or does is going to make him willing to see her die and likely, the same is true in reverse. ] I guess whichever one of us goes first gets to spit on the grave of the other.

[killtime]

[ Her lips purse. Her eyebrows pinch. There's some emotion there that looks like frustration, but it's... ]

Do you know what it fucking feels like every time Majima reminds me that you already died once for him? [ She's not raising her voice. Somehow that's worse. ] It fucking hurts. It fucking hurts a lot. And maybe I'd rather be fucking stabbed. I can handle being stabbed.

[pitfight]

So can I! [ Current situation is proof, he's fucking alive, isn't he? He's been stabbed more times than he can count, and he's come out fine so far. ]

[ He passes her the cigarette he'd been working on and lights himself a second. ] Sure, I died for him, but I'm here now. That's what matters. [ The fact Majima talks about him at all-- to Andy, the fact they've spoken about him-- huh. He's not sure he likes that much. ]

[killtime]

So what? You're here now, and if you die later, then oh fucking well? Too fucking bad?

[ Andy almost refuses the cigarette just to be ornery — but fuck it, her hands and her mouth are better off occupied when she's getting herself worked up. This isn't really the conversation she meant to have when she showed up, and she's honestly more annoyed with herself than anyone else over it. It shows in her posture, even in the way that she smokes — an aggravated tension, looking for an outlet. ]

This would be a lot easier if all I gave a shit about was the next time your dick ends up inside me. But we're fucking past that now, so maybe try a little harder to avoid going off and dying on me. [ She can't sit anymore. She has to get up. She has to pace. ] Do you get it now? Don't make me fucking spell it out for you.

[pitfight]

With our line of work, death is just part of the job. [ Nishitani wouldn't have it any other way, but it still takes something out of him to see someone not involved with the life suddenly understand what it means. Nishitani draws back on his cigarette as well, taking in Andy's stance and the tension in the room. ] You having second thoughts? [ About all this, about where they are, about him. ]

1/2

[killtime]

What? [ His question makes her pacing stop abruptly, her head snapping in his direction. ] Second thoughts? Are you fucking with me? Is that what you think I'm —

[ She cuts herself off. Puts a hand over her face for a moment. Lets her cigarette idly burn between her fingers as she stands there. She hasn't handled this well. Hasn't said what she meant to.

Maybe after everything she's been through, after the last seven thousand years, she should be better at accepting the inevitability of human mortality. Everything would have hurt less that way. She wouldn't be so sad, so angry. But she can't accept it. She's never been able to. She doesn't want to. Everything she cares about, every person — she's hung on with teeth and nails. This is no different. She's the same stupid, sentimental creature she's always been.

Finally, low and tired: ]

2/2

[killtime]

I love you. I want you to fucking stay with me.

[pitfight]

Then I'll stay with you as long as I can. [ Simple, a fact, like Nishitani was already planning on doing this anyways-- just, sometimes the frail nature of humanity just gets in the way of plans. This time, they came out lucky. ]

I love you too, you dumb bitch.

[killtime]

[ The undeniably dumb bitch in question can't help huffing out a small, tired laugh at his answer. The look on her face is both rueful and a little fond. Really, it shouldn't have caught her off guard to hear him say it back. He's always said that shit so easily — and meant every fucking word too.

She wanders back over to the bed, sinking down onto it with an exhale. ]

Guess that makes us both the same kind of stupid.

[ But... Yeah. Okay. She can live with this. And there's a strange catharsis that's started to settle in. All the tension from before ebbs away. She takes another drag off her dwindling cigarette before going on, wry as she ever is: ]

Better not be letting anyone else shove their fingers in that damn wound. You'll be stuck here forever, and I think the fucking cat's starting to miss you.

[pitfight]

[ Nishitani smiles when Andy comes over, when she sits and finally lets the tension drain away from her and into the ground around them. He reaches out to hold onto her wrist, Andy's pulse under his thumb. ] Admit it, you miss this dick.

[killtime]

[ She turns her hand just enough to loosely grasp his wrist in return, somehow comforted by the synchronized rhythm of their pulses. Her habitual wryness is subtly warm, softened by proximity and a little fondness when she quips back: ]

You've been bed-ridden so long, I barely remember this dick.

[pitfight]

Damnit! [ Nishitani squeezes her wrist for a second, emoting in the unsubtle ways he always does. ] Well, fuck it, get on my face, I can make sure you won't forget my mouth then!

[killtime]

[ The corner of her mouth quirks upward with amusement, curving into a small smile around her cigarette. She takes one last drag before leaning to snuff the stub out in one of the ashtrays Emily keeps around for all the damn chainsmokers, smoke wisping lazily around her words when she answers dryly: ]

Yeah? You sure it's not you that's been missing this cunt?

[pitfight]

I miss it every damn day you keep it away from me. [ Nishitani tosses his cigarette as well, the ashtray meticulously clean except for the damage they've both just done. He reaches out for her, arms spread. ] Come on, just watch the ribs.

[killtime]

You're going to get me in trouble with Emily again.

[ She says that, but she spares only a cursory glance over her shoulder to gauge the risk of being interrupted she's shrugging off her jacket, leaving it on the floor, soon to be joined by her boots, her belt, and her pants. Doesn't take her long to climb on top of him either. Maybe she has missed him after all. ]