jigokulogs | [OPEN] only god can see what i've become.

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[OPEN] only god can see what i've become.

⬤ Andy @ the CR Meme ⬤
⬤ Permissions Post ⬤

Who ⬤ Andromache of Scythia (now of Enma) & YOU!
What ⬤ The bastard woman drinks and brawls her way through May substories
When ⬤ Throughout the month of May
Where ⬤ A bar, a backlot, and a bloody arena
Content Warnings ⬤ Profanity, violence, substance use, sex, etc. To be updated as needed!

A | MOON MEDICINE / SUBSTORY #1

[ This might be the most alive she's felt since arriving in hell. Whatever the fuck was in that medicinal mochi — it's like being high on cocaine and bloodlust at the same time. It feeds into that part of her that has always loved a fight. That up-close and personal shit where you can practically smell your opponent's breath. That's what she was raised on, seven thousand years ago on the Eurasian steppe — heir of the warrior-queen, bare and bloody on the battlefield, her mother's axe in her right hand.

No axe now. No battlefield either. Just the dirty alley out behind some dive bar. But that look in her eye is the same now as it was back then, wild and bright as she slams her fist into the unrecognizable pulp that was formerly the face of the yokai who had gotten fresh with her inside. Her knuckles are split open, but she doesn't seem to notice. Tunnel vision, everything else utterly irrelevant while her opponent is still standing — and he is, just barely. Just enough to take another clumsy swing at her, a move so obvious and slow that, in her violent fervor, she barks out a mean laugh, teeth bared. Bracing herself, she lets gravity do most of the work as she catches her victim by the clothes and flings him out of the alley towards street —

Right into anyone unfortunate enough to be passing by. ]

B | VEND ME A DREAM / SUBSTORY #2

[ Normally, on a day like this, Andy would have found some way to drink herself into oblivion by now. But she's spent most of her time in hell hungover, and somewhere between the constant headaches and violent nausea, she figured her newly mortal body was probably begging her for a break from the bottle. But being both idle and sober lends itself too readily towards her tendency to wallow uselessly in her own misery, so when the shirime approaches her with its winking butthole and a request for item A5, well...

Fuck it. It's not as if she has anything better to do.

That's how she winds up in that backlot, leaning up against a porno vending machine with a dwindling cigarette hanging from the corner of her mouth as she flips through Juicy Peaches. The look on her face is one of stoic apathy, but either she's bored or the asses within are just that compelling, because she's still turning pages. This page in particular has her head turning slightly one way, then the other as she considers it. Out loud, to nobody in particular: ]

...That's a fucking fish.

[ Given the context, she might mean that literally. Only one way to find out. ]

C | BRUISED & BLOODY / SHUTEN TERRITORY ARENA

[ She'd been beating up people for free in bars this whole time, so it seemed only practical to at least get paid for that shit. The booze and cigarettes don't pay for themselves — and gods forbid that Andy hold a regular nine-to-five. She'd rather have her bones broken. Besides, she makes for a good underdog bet. Compared to some of the monstrous yokai that have stood opposite her in the ring, Andy looks decidedly ordinary. A woman who is neither particularly tall or strong. Nothing to betray the centuries she's spent mastering different ways of using her body to cause others pain. Except maybe that certain look in her eye. Something sharp. Something a little mean.

On one of the nights that she fights, she might find herself facing off against another Lost Soul in her next match. Or maybe afterward, with her left arm hanging loosely from its socket, she might be looking for someone to lend her hand — hopefully someone who isn't too squeamish to shove a shoulder back in. Otherwise, after the fighting is done, she makes a habit of smoking a cigarette right outside the arena, usually more interested in indulging that bad habit than patching herself up. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Better to drink than to think, anyway. The past is the fucking past. They can't change it now. All they can do is live with it — the regret, the scars, the trauma. At least the alcohol makes it a little easier. With that in mind, Andy drinks and refills her own cup, then Izo's. ]

That's what happens to our kind. We get used for other people's dirty work, then they fuck us because we're too dangerous to be left alone afterward.

[ She takes a cigarette with a little hum of thanks, digging into her pocket for her lighter and flicking the flame to life before holding it out for him first. ]

Do you regret it? Wielding your blade for them.

[ She's right. He was forced out because he was too dangerous, too uncontrollable, too eager to kill; Takechi had trained him to be that way. A useful idiot in the end.

Her question sits like a lead weight as he lights his cigarette with a grateful nod. ]

Dunno. I'd say no one'd even know who I am if I hadn't done it, but they were tryin' t' make sure no one knew who I was at all. They fuckin' erased me from the rolls...Or tried to, anyway.

[ He laughs that same bitter laugh. ]

I woulda lived a whole fuckin' lot longer without 'em...Never woulda gone outside'a Tosa without 'em, either. So I dunno. I was doin' what I thought was right and what was gonna keep th' foreigners from fuckin' us all over.

[ She listens quietly as she lights her own cigarette, watching him in a considering way while he talks. Maybe there's some sad kind of irony to it all, something about living and dying by the sword. Honestly, if she dwells on it too long, it makes her fucking sad. ]

Guess it wouldn't change much even if you did regret it. [ Smoke wisps around her words. ] Hindsight is twenty-twenty anyway. We kill, then we're killed, and that's how it always goes. Circle of fucking life, huh?

[ In his second life as a Servant, things were a little different. He still got used to fight other people's battles, but at least his Master gave a shit about him and treated him like a person and not just a tool. ]

Yeah... [ He chuckles sadly, drowning his feelings in another sip. ] Shit, never thought talkin' to a lady lookin' at fish porn in th' alley'd end up like this.

Two sad sacks drownin' their sorrows in booze. [ He fills his cup and hers if she needs it and holds his up. ] Kampai!

[ Wryly, as she obliges by raising her cup to meet his: ]

Kampai.

[ To drowning your sorrows in booze, as the gods intended. She tips her drink back like a seasoned alcoholic, then reaches to pour again for both of them. They'll make short work of the bottle, at this rate. ]

Still got the fish porn, if you'd rather go back to that.

[ This is a much more relaxed drinking contest than the last one he had. It's so relaxed that he almost forgets they're having one at all -- almost. ]

Nah, don't think th' bartender'd like us lookin' at a porn mag in 'ere. I wanna finish gettin' drunk before we get kicked out, ya know?

[ Andy seems mildly surprised and half-amused by his consideration for the bartender, obliging him by putting both her hands up briefly as if to say, Have it your way. Probably for the best. She's been kicked out of enough bars in hell as it is.

Still, as she lifts her cup to drink: ]

I don't know. I think we'd find another way to get drunk, if we were determined enough. Could be fun.

[ Another drink for him and a curious head cock as he sets his cup on the table. Awfully dog-like for someone possessed by a tengu... ]

Yeah? Ya got somethin' in mind? Ain't like there's a booze shortage in Hell or nothin'...Could get drunk anywhere if we try hard enough.

[ It had been a half-formed, idle thought really. But then he asks her, and she considers it a little more. Finally, as she reaches to pour the last of the bottle into both their cups, she answers mildly: ]

I don't know. There's probably an empty rooftop somewhere with a nice view of hell and nobody to bother two drunk killers.

Well...fuck it. How 'bout we go buy some more fuckin' booze an' find a fuckin' rooftop?

[ He's got wings. The question is does she trust this drunk tengu-possessed man to carry her? ]

Better'n sittin' 'round here.

[ Fuck it is a sentiment Andy can get behind. She tosses back that last cup of sake, then sets down enough money to settle their bill with a little extra before getting up to leave. ]

I can find a liquor store if you can find a roof.

Deal.

[ Down the hatch goes the last drink and he's on his feet. ]

...Liquor store first. I'll pick out a roof after we got th' booze...or ya can help with that, if ya trust me enough not t' drop ya.

[ That suggestion earns a half-curious, half-amused look. She gives him a little once over, like she's trying to decide if she should trust him not to drop her — but then, after a second, she just breathes out an amused exhale, shrugging as if to say, Fuck it. Their motto for the night. ]

Okay. Liquor store first. [ Dryly: ] Then if you do fucking drop me, at least I'll have something to drink it off with.

[ At least there's plenty of liquor stores in hell too. Doesn't take her but a few minutes to pick one, and a few minutes more to walk back out of it with bottles clanking around in a bag. Multiple bottles. Just in case. ]

[ Izō just sort of...scoops her up into a princess carry without any warning. ]

Put yer arms 'round my neck and don't squirm too much or I will drop ya.

[ At least he gives her that much warning before taking off in a run and up into the air, just high enough to clear the tallest buildings in the area. ]

Holler if somethin' sticks out t' ya.

[ Oh — she actually looks a little surprised to be scooped up, probably because the strong resting bitch face normally deters people from trying to do anything like that, and it's a small miracle that she doesn't drop their valuable cargo getting her arms around his neck during take off.

Fuck. There's not a lot that's novel after you've been alive almost seven thousand years, but this? This is one of them. And the view, even of hell, is beautiful from the air. She almost forgets she's supposed to be looking for anything in particular until the sound of Izo's voice reminds her, missing a half-beat before she finally points out a tall building whose roof is decorated with a large, flickering neon sign. Oddly, it's fish demon — but unlike the risque model in Andy's porn mag, this one has a cowboy hat, which it tips in greeting with every alternating flash of the sign. ]

That one? Practically has our fucking name on it.

[ He takes being able to fly for granted. It's one of the only convenient things that came out of being possessed by a tengu. Only when he treats someone to a flight like this does he remember how special it is, really. He might gloat a little about this later, but that's for later.

He turns his head to look at the roof she picked and barks a laugh. ]

That's ours, alright.

[ A sharp banked turn and then he comes in for a landing. It's much more graceful than the time he landed with Childe -- that's a low bar, though. So long as he stays on his feet and doesn't fall on her, it's already better. He does stumble, but is quick to recover and sets her down once he's steadied himself. ]

An' see? Nothin' t' worry 'bout. Back on th' ground safe'n sound.

[ Honestly, she'd let him gloat if he wanted. Small price to pay. Her pulse picks up ever so slightly that last sharp turn and the precarious landing, the rush of adrenaline warming her face with color as she gets her feet back under her. She's stared down the barrel of a gun without her heart missing a beat — but that? That was fun. That got her heart going. It earns a big fucking grin — the real thing too, her dark eyes gleaming bright with it. ]

Fuck. You do that shit all the time? [ She nods at the metal mask he wears on his hip, going on wryly: ] Guess there's some perks to that after all.

[ Right, he does owe her at least some kind of explanation. She trusted him with the information about her being (formerly) immortal, so it's only fair. Izō laughs. ]

It's better'n walkin' everywhere, that's for damn sure... [ He holds his hand out for some booze. ] I got a fuckin' tengu livin' in my body, I better get somethin' out of it.

[ She sets the bag down on the roof, leaning to dig out two bottles of sake — one for each of them. Izo gets his tossed lightly underhand across the small distance between them. Hopefully he's still sober enough to catch. ]

How the fuck's that supposed to work anyway? [ She opens her bottle, flicking the cap idly over her shoulder as she wanders over to the edge of the roof, sitting there with her legs hanging over the edge. ] Are you still you? Or does being possessed mean you're not the same Okada Izo you were before?

[ Sober or not, that's booze and he's not about to let it go to waste. He does catch the bottle, though, and even manages to not bobble it or anything before plopping down beside her. ]

I'm still me. Like hell I'm lettin' that bastard erase me. [ That's what the tengu wants, after all: a body for himself again. Izō was just the most fitting vessel. ] He jus' takes over sometimes. An' I can feel him inside me...Hear him, too.

[ And then he takes a long drink because there isn't enough alcohol to deal with this reality. ]

[ Living with herself is bad enough. She's got plenty of metaphorical demons, plenty of hateful little voices. It's probably a good thing that the world she came from didn't have demons of a more literal sort. ]

Did you do it by choice?

[ Or is he like her? Trapped against his will. Cursed through no fault of his own. ]

[ The withering look he gives her says more than his words will. ]

Fuck no. I ended up in Hakagemachi and woke up possessed. I wanna get rid of th' fucker, but there ain't no way.

[ She looks at him a long moment, then glances away with a quiet, humorless little laugh. There’s probably some irony in that, right? Some cosmic joke? That deserves another drink - so she takes one. A long pull from the bottle in her hand before she finally answers: ]

Guess the universe decided to fuck us both. [ Wryly, though not completely insincerely: ] My condolences, Izo.

[ He takes a long drink, too, because he doesn't want to think too much about his current existence. His stay in that awful place was generally horrible, but it brought him two people he cares deeply for. It's hard to say he regrets it entirely...

Not that he says as much. He shrugs and forces a grin. Anything to cover up what he's actually feeling. ]

Yeah, well...At least I'm in good company bein' fucked like this.

[ Whatever wager they had feels like it's been forgotten in favor of a genuine conversation. What an odd way to bond... ]

[ Another low, little laugh. This time, a bit more sincere than the last. ]

You've got shit standards for good company.

[ Maybe it's the alcohol that makes her more honest than she would be otherwise. Or maybe it's their rapport — this sense that they might be a little similar. Either way, it's an admission she hasn't made to anyone else when she goes on, habitually wry and subtly bitter underneath that: ]

Besides, I'm mortal now. They took my curse when they brought me here.

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