Nie Huaisang squeezes his shoulder briefly before getting up to fetch the medicine and bandages from the chest. He still has three more customers he needs to entertain and it's looking like he'll be running late to the parade. But hopefully, Wei Wuxian will understand. Right now, his obligation to the Tamamo Clan supercedes any connection he has outside of it. He has a duty to protect their own and that duty is helping him keep a firm rein over his own emotions.
Once he fetches the goods, he comes back to the futon and starts tending to the scratches with a calm, professional air few ever see. Nie Huaisang rarely shows his true strength or conviction to others but right now, it feels necessary and appropriate with Jin Guangyao in such an emotionally fragile state. Right now though, he needs to get the other man stabilized long enough for him to get the rest of his work finished.
"Do you do this to yourself often?" he asks quietly as he dabs at the scratches. "I'm glad that you don't hate me. I don't hate you either. Not anymore. I've moved on from that. Or at least, I've chosen to. And I'm trying."
Dab, dab. Wipe. Dab.
"In the end, all we can do is try and hope for the best. You worked really hard today. Maybe a little too hard. I think your mother would be proud of you. She would understand what you're trying to do. That you're trying to set things right by your family."
It felt good. Just not to have to be the one who has it all together for once. He felt a bit guilty as well, surely Huaisang should be eating his lunch and meeting more clients. But here he was taking care of him. His eyes softened.
"Yes, Ever since I was spying on the Wens. When I was younger I would just tense up and A-Niang would get me to start breathing. I can't seem to really stop the thoughts sometimes and it forces me back to my body again. I cannot seem to stop the memories so I try to push them down.
I'm glad too. I have never hated you. I always thought you were the kind of sweet person I wished I was allowed to be. I'm sorry that you had to harden as well. The world is cruel." he hissed in pain softly.
"I have one more box, I may seek out my friend from Hakagemachi and see if he wants to just fill the last one. I can just talk to him and I trust him."
He was silent for a little bit.
"I don't know if I've ever done anything that A-Niang could be proud of. I really miss her so much. I want them to be safe and happy. That is all I want. I could move on then."
"I suspect it'll be a long time before we see the end results of our labor here, Guangyao," he says, ever the practical realist, but he keeps his tone as kind and gentle as he possibly can.
If Jin Guangyao clings to that dream alone for motivation, he risks facing disillusionment and despair later in his journey. He's changed from the man Nie Huaisang had killed and he's finding that he rather likes the progress he's made and wishes to keep supporting his growth.
"I doubt Da-ge would be proud of anything i've done since his passing. He'd certainly disapprove of the activities I'm doing now, I'm sure," he continues, matter-of-fact and a little resigned but he's long since accepted that the way he goes about doing things for their clan will never align with his views of morality or what he felt was right.
He finishes tending to the wounds with an oddly efficient sort of tenderness. They both still have work to do and Nie Huaisang needs time to eat so he'll have the energy to continue with his tasks.
"I think turning to your friend would be wise. Let him help you and give yourself time to breathe and relax. You've done enough work for today," he says firmly and decisively in a tone usually reserved for his disciples within the walls of their keep back home.
"I know that, but thank you for the reminder. I suppose there is no point in worrying about it right now, in any case." he took a breath and let it out slowly.
He was already so tired. He still had one more client to fill on his card and then the night parade to go to. He had no idea how he was going to do this, but it wasn't the first time he was exhausted.
"I think he would be proud of you for killing me and keeping your sect in one piece. Perhaps if he was as he once was, before the saber spirit got his mind he would have been more understanding. The Nie Mingjue who I had met on the field and the one who died in Qinghe were not the same man, I think. He loved you so dearly, Huaisang. I hope you know that."
he knew what it was to walk their path and it was impossible for someone like his Da-ge to understand what it would be like. But he could hope. For his sake, he wished that memory could be kinder.
"I had prepared a donburi for us on the table. You should have yours. There is some soup in the thermos as well."
But Nie Mingjue wasn't the man he'd once been and part of that had been due to Jin Guangyao poisoning him. Even if the man had acted to protect them both, Nie Huaisang's final days with his brother had been spent in continuous conflict and he'd died without ever knowing of his remorse or regret.
Still, Jin Guangyao had already been punished for his crimes and now he was facing his karma, bettering himself in preparation for his next life. There's nothing either of them can say that will ever truly erase what happened but they have a choice in this world. They can continue fighting, neither side the victor, and both risk expulsion from the clan in the process or they can let it go and keep moving forward, healing their wounds and learnng how to forgive one another.
Nie Huaisang has always been a smarter man than he appears on the surface. He knows which path will prove more productive and lead them both to the goals they both seek. And he's determined to walk it, no matter who or what stands in his way.
"Thank you for the meal, Guangyao. I'd like to eat it now so we can both get back to work. The sooner we're finished here, the sooner we can both relax. Maybe even have time to enjoy the parade a little before it's time to head home."
He gives the man's shoulder one last pat and heads toward the table.
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Once he fetches the goods, he comes back to the futon and starts tending to the scratches with a calm, professional air few ever see. Nie Huaisang rarely shows his true strength or conviction to others but right now, it feels necessary and appropriate with Jin Guangyao in such an emotionally fragile state. Right now though, he needs to get the other man stabilized long enough for him to get the rest of his work finished.
"Do you do this to yourself often?" he asks quietly as he dabs at the scratches. "I'm glad that you don't hate me. I don't hate you either. Not anymore. I've moved on from that. Or at least, I've chosen to. And I'm trying."
Dab, dab. Wipe. Dab.
"In the end, all we can do is try and hope for the best. You worked really hard today. Maybe a little too hard. I think your mother would be proud of you. She would understand what you're trying to do. That you're trying to set things right by your family."
no subject
"Yes, Ever since I was spying on the Wens. When I was younger I would just tense up and A-Niang would get me to start breathing. I can't seem to really stop the thoughts sometimes and it forces me back to my body again. I cannot seem to stop the memories so I try to push them down.
I'm glad too. I have never hated you. I always thought you were the kind of sweet person I wished I was allowed to be. I'm sorry that you had to harden as well. The world is cruel." he hissed in pain softly.
"I have one more box, I may seek out my friend from Hakagemachi and see if he wants to just fill the last one. I can just talk to him and I trust him."
He was silent for a little bit.
"I don't know if I've ever done anything that A-Niang could be proud of. I really miss her so much. I want them to be safe and happy. That is all I want. I could move on then."
no subject
If Jin Guangyao clings to that dream alone for motivation, he risks facing disillusionment and despair later in his journey. He's changed from the man Nie Huaisang had killed and he's finding that he rather likes the progress he's made and wishes to keep supporting his growth.
"I doubt Da-ge would be proud of anything i've done since his passing. He'd certainly disapprove of the activities I'm doing now, I'm sure," he continues, matter-of-fact and a little resigned but he's long since accepted that the way he goes about doing things for their clan will never align with his views of morality or what he felt was right.
He finishes tending to the wounds with an oddly efficient sort of tenderness. They both still have work to do and Nie Huaisang needs time to eat so he'll have the energy to continue with his tasks.
"I think turning to your friend would be wise. Let him help you and give yourself time to breathe and relax. You've done enough work for today," he says firmly and decisively in a tone usually reserved for his disciples within the walls of their keep back home.
no subject
He was already so tired. He still had one more client to fill on his card and then the night parade to go to. He had no idea how he was going to do this, but it wasn't the first time he was exhausted.
"I think he would be proud of you for killing me and keeping your sect in one piece. Perhaps if he was as he once was, before the saber spirit got his mind he would have been more understanding. The Nie Mingjue who I had met on the field and the one who died in Qinghe were not the same man, I think. He loved you so dearly, Huaisang. I hope you know that."
he knew what it was to walk their path and it was impossible for someone like his Da-ge to understand what it would be like. But he could hope. For his sake, he wished that memory could be kinder.
"I had prepared a donburi for us on the table. You should have yours. There is some soup in the thermos as well."
no subject
Still, Jin Guangyao had already been punished for his crimes and now he was facing his karma, bettering himself in preparation for his next life. There's nothing either of them can say that will ever truly erase what happened but they have a choice in this world. They can continue fighting, neither side the victor, and both risk expulsion from the clan in the process or they can let it go and keep moving forward, healing their wounds and learnng how to forgive one another.
Nie Huaisang has always been a smarter man than he appears on the surface. He knows which path will prove more productive and lead them both to the goals they both seek. And he's determined to walk it, no matter who or what stands in his way.
"Thank you for the meal, Guangyao. I'd like to eat it now so we can both get back to work. The sooner we're finished here, the sooner we can both relax. Maybe even have time to enjoy the parade a little before it's time to head home."
He gives the man's shoulder one last pat and heads toward the table.