[ ryouma sits up a little at hizen's words. if anything, he thought hizen might be happier to not hear him speak highly of things. it's not like that's the reason he's said what he's said — it's just the truth. ryouma eats another bite of castella because he can pretend the sweetness helps. maybe it does, a little, since he would probably be a lot worse off trying to talk about this if not for the lightness in his head that seems to dull it all, at the very least. ]
I wonder that myself sometimes. If I had to say so, everything's different from how it used to be...
[ he folds his hands on the counter in front of him and it looks like a very neat and orderly sort of gesture, but then he's practised these little things because no one would have ever called him neat or orderly once. he really has buried a lot over time, hasn't he? we are rider, he'd say because together they were one. it always comes back to oryou. she's the only reason he can even wonder if it's possible to live in any other way again, or else he would have lost himself completely a long time ago.
he doesn't even know if hizen wants to hear this, but now that he's gotten ryouma talking it's difficult not to at least explain and he's not sure why. maybe because hizen reminds him so much of izō but without all the personal complications..? if he was ever going to explain this to anyone else, it probably would have been him anyway. in either case, ryouma honestly isn't sure if he'd prefer understanding or judgement. ]
The day I died, I made a contract with the World to become a Servant. I thought "I can save a lot of people like this all the time! I can use that power and create a world where everyone can live happily!" But in reality, it didn't turn out that way at all. Reality is always crueler than hopes and dreams, isn't it?
[ he looks up again and smiles, but in that way where it never quite reaches his eyes. ]
I think I've been taught that lesson a few times now, but I never seem to learn it, so maybe that's the proof that I am still who I say I am?
no subject
I wonder that myself sometimes. If I had to say so, everything's different from how it used to be...
[ he folds his hands on the counter in front of him and it looks like a very neat and orderly sort of gesture, but then he's practised these little things because no one would have ever called him neat or orderly once. he really has buried a lot over time, hasn't he? we are rider, he'd say because together they were one. it always comes back to oryou. she's the only reason he can even wonder if it's possible to live in any other way again, or else he would have lost himself completely a long time ago.
he doesn't even know if hizen wants to hear this, but now that he's gotten ryouma talking it's difficult not to at least explain and he's not sure why. maybe because hizen reminds him so much of izō but without all the personal complications..? if he was ever going to explain this to anyone else, it probably would have been him anyway. in either case, ryouma honestly isn't sure if he'd prefer understanding or judgement. ]
The day I died, I made a contract with the World to become a Servant. I thought "I can save a lot of people like this all the time! I can use that power and create a world where everyone can live happily!" But in reality, it didn't turn out that way at all. Reality is always crueler than hopes and dreams, isn't it?
[ he looks up again and smiles, but in that way where it never quite reaches his eyes. ]
I think I've been taught that lesson a few times now, but I never seem to learn it, so maybe that's the proof that I am still who I say I am?