killtime: (pic#14155277)
brat. ([personal profile] killtime) wrote in [community profile] jigokulogs 2022-09-23 06:27 am (UTC)

[ She knows that she's had the privilege of selfishness. Her whole life — even when she felt such crushing guilt, such despair for the things she regretted and the people she'd lost, she'd never truly been subjected to anyone's will but her own. That curse of hers — the immortality that hurt her so terribly — it also gave her power. The kind of power that rarely had to compromise. The only things that had ever really left her helpless were time, death, and love.

So now she suffers from self-inflicted wounds, languishing in her own misery while Emily again bears the burden of caretaker. She's aware of it. She has to be, after what they've been through — what they've put each other through. And she hates herself for it, selfish again as she uses Emily's martyrdom to indulge her self-loathing. It's easy to let herself sink into those dark thoughts, letting them feed into each other, twisting her grief into something worse

But then Emily touches her. Presses her lips against her face. Whispers those words in her ear — and they fucking pierce right through her, each word like a burning hot knife, almost unbearable as they sear against the open wounds she's carried since the day she woke up without Nishitani beside her.

She can't fully believe those words. She can't accept them. Or the absolution they offer. There's been too many long centuries spent raging against the bittersweet agony of love and the enduring grief of loss — but it loosens something inside her. A little crack. Just enough that her feelings start to swell in her throat —
]

Fuck.

[ A single wretched curse. Andy suddenly stands, tearing herself away as if it's too painful to be seen like this. The woman makes for a pathetic picture, faintly trembling as she stands there with her back to Emily, one hand over her face to delay the moment that her tears betray her. ]

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