[ he gets up, but that's mostly because if he tries sitting here any longer, he will work himself up more than he'd like. pacing might be annoying, but walking helps him calm down. that and if he can't drink, he smokes. ]
... Y' can come and eat my cigarettes if ya want, but it's better this way.
[ if things weren't like this he might've thought he was funny. ]
Anyway, I'd tell ya that makes perfect sense if I haven't tried doin' all those things. This is the last I'll say of it, so listen. [ as if she hasn't had to endure him all this time... sorry, emily... ] If he won't believe the words I say directly, then I'd hope he knows me well enough t' know I wouldn't make big business arrangements and then skip town. How many times did I tell him I wanted to work with him from the start? I wanted him t' head up security on this whole thing once upon a time. As soon as I decided I was gonna do business around here and that I was gonna take a shot at gettin' people t' work together, I was tellin' him I wanted him with me. Not workin' for me. With me. As equals! I was excited 'cause we never got the chance back then.
Last time, I went and told him how I felt like ya told me too. Then I asked him what I even am in this, accordin' to him, 'cause I wanted to know. Even before things got bad with Majima, he turned me down cold every time. Wasn't even business, I jus' wanted t' get to know the guy. Flat no. Told me he was at your place once, told me outright I'm not invited, but I wasn't even gonna ask about that. Just... wanted t' make sure I didn't entertain the thought, I guess? I dunno...
[ he sounds a little more defeated with every example, but he's running out of ways to explain that he's really trying. maybe not in the right ways, but he's tried more than nothing?? ]
Told me he wasn't gettin' involved, so I took the hint, and I quit askin'. What am I missin' here? What am I not doin' or sayin'? How many ways can I say I want him with me before I find the right one he's gonna like?
[ ryouma doesn't really expect an answer for any of these questions, but he's just firing them off as they come to mind. ]
I've known him forever. Y' think I don't know he can be difficult? That he tries t' push me away constantly? I know it better than anybody, [ which is perhaps a petty assertion to make at this moment, but it would be a lie to say jealousy didn't factor into a lot of his pain right now. ] — but it's different now than it's ever been. Now I really think he means it 'cause I can't see anything that tells me otherwise. Didn't I tell ya I'm happy with whatever I can get? I'll take the advice, I will, if ya can tell me where in all of that I'm still goin' wrong. 'Cause yeah—... ya say it's simple, but I just don't see it.
[ ryouma doesn't argue, so he's unlikely to press it any further now that he's said just about everything he can think to say without picking at details needlessly. ]
no subject
... Y' can come and eat my cigarettes if ya want, but it's better this way.
[ if things weren't like this he might've thought he was funny. ]
Anyway, I'd tell ya that makes perfect sense if I haven't tried doin' all those things. This is the last I'll say of it, so listen. [ as if she hasn't had to endure him all this time... sorry, emily... ] If he won't believe the words I say directly, then I'd hope he knows me well enough t' know I wouldn't make big business arrangements and then skip town. How many times did I tell him I wanted to work with him from the start? I wanted him t' head up security on this whole thing once upon a time. As soon as I decided I was gonna do business around here and that I was gonna take a shot at gettin' people t' work together, I was tellin' him I wanted him with me. Not workin' for me. With me. As equals! I was excited 'cause we never got the chance back then.
Last time, I went and told him how I felt like ya told me too. Then I asked him what I even am in this, accordin' to him, 'cause I wanted to know. Even before things got bad with Majima, he turned me down cold every time. Wasn't even business, I jus' wanted t' get to know the guy. Flat no. Told me he was at your place once, told me outright I'm not invited, but I wasn't even gonna ask about that. Just... wanted t' make sure I didn't entertain the thought, I guess? I dunno...
[ he sounds a little more defeated with every example, but he's running out of ways to explain that he's really trying. maybe not in the right ways, but he's tried more than nothing?? ]
Told me he wasn't gettin' involved, so I took the hint, and I quit askin'. What am I missin' here? What am I not doin' or sayin'? How many ways can I say I want him with me before I find the right one he's gonna like?
[ ryouma doesn't really expect an answer for any of these questions, but he's just firing them off as they come to mind. ]
I've known him forever. Y' think I don't know he can be difficult? That he tries t' push me away constantly? I know it better than anybody, [ which is perhaps a petty assertion to make at this moment, but it would be a lie to say jealousy didn't factor into a lot of his pain right now. ] — but it's different now than it's ever been. Now I really think he means it 'cause I can't see anything that tells me otherwise. Didn't I tell ya I'm happy with whatever I can get? I'll take the advice, I will, if ya can tell me where in all of that I'm still goin' wrong. 'Cause yeah—... ya say it's simple, but I just don't see it.
[ ryouma doesn't argue, so he's unlikely to press it any further now that he's said just about everything he can think to say without picking at details needlessly. ]