jigokulogs | [ OPEN ] trust in me

[ HAHAHA, and look where it got him a few days later. but they probably don't know that for now, so they may as well enjoy the calm before the storm while it lasts. ]

I like a man with big, lofty ambitions. Even if said ambitions seem impossible right from the onset. There's no peace without a war, as the say.

[ but honestly, it is rather naive thinking that a single man can actually unite all three factions without much hairpulling and vitriol. and even then, where will the enma fit in that equation?

it doesn't take a genius to add everything up. all this is adding to ryouma's stress, and all shylock can do is provide some reprieve at the very least. in any case, he beams at the compliment. ]

Centuries of innate skill went into that drink. But thank you, Ryouma.

[ the mention of sake, though. shylock had had his suspicions since seeing the calling card, but just to make sure: ]

With your penchant for sake, does that mean you're from the Tosa region as well?

[ it's true, things will only get more intense for him in a few days, so he's very grateful for the drink and pleasant conversation in the meantime ]

Do ya? Is it the confidence or the stupidity?

[ he can laugh at his own self-deprecating humour because he quit letting things like that bother him a long time ago anyway. it's more fun to laugh at things. he files the comment about centuries away, the idea of someone like shylock being around for that long not at all an odd thing considering his own experience. ]

Ya know about Tosa? That must mean—... y' know Izō, right?

[ another simple man of tosa who loves his sake even more than ryouma does. the moment of hesitation is mostly an unconscious one — ryouma's luck with getting to know people better who already know izō has been... eventful. ]

I would say both.

[ what if he's a sapiosexual and a morosexual at the same time, huh. confidence is sexy and ryouma sure has it! shylock would be lying if he isn't fascinated by this sutoku higher-up, and it shows in the way he looks at him with an almost catlike gaze. ]

I have yet to come across him, honestly. Now I'm even more motivated to meet him one day.

[ but no, it's not izou. he laughs lightly, but his smile doesn't quite reach his eyes this time. ]

But no, it isn't him. But I do know a certain sword by the name of Hizen Tadahiro.

[ aka the sword u gave away, ryouma, ]

Oh?

[ it's such an earnest and unexpected response that ryouma laughs at once. ]

Alright then, haha! Good answer!

[ works for him, anyway. ]

Make Izō a strong drink when ya do. It helps if ya wanna get on his good side.

[ speaking from experience. but the answer then could only be hizen, which isn't so bad but probably isn't doing him any favours either, considering hizen at least thinks he's a troublesome idiot. ]

Yeah, Hizen was in my family for a long time. 'Course he wasn't a whole person in my world — so imagine my surprise — but the two of them are really a lot alike in many ways. I'm glad t' get t' know him, even if it's sorta complicated between us.

The more you two talk about him, the more ecstatic I am to meet this Mr. Izou. I shall make our first encounter a good one, then.

[ hehehehehehe.

but yes, there sure is a scuffle between them, isn't there? shylock wasn't able to get the whole story from hizen, tongue-tied as he is with Emotions brimming forth at the time, so it's only sheer good luck that ryouma dropped by. he's a nosy wizard, do excuse him. ]

I understand that you gave Hizen away to Mr. Izou despite him being a family heirloom. You must have had such a deep trust in him.

[ ryouma winces a little unconsciously because that whole thing has gotten excessively complicated what with hizen tadahiro (the guy, not the sword) being a person he likes and cares about these days. ]

Yeah. He's my best friend, even if our paths ended up goin' in different directions. Izō is a real genius, ya know that?

[ here comes the unapologetic, unfiltered gushing of praise. ryouma could not be more proud. ]

Nobody's like him when it comes t' usin' a sword! I ain't too bad myself, but I spent a long time trainin' for it. He's jus' got a natural talent that's really somethin' so, it jus' made sense pairin' a good sword like Hizen with somebody who'd really make the most of havin' one.

[ so hizen was handed off to izou not because ryouma doesn't want him anymore, but because ryouma knew that his sword was better off with a guy who'd know how to use him to his fullest potential... ]

I see.

[ a knowing smile pulled at the edge of shylock's mouth. oh, hizen. the poor guy isn't aware at all, isn't he? ryouma's rambling about his bestie is rather cute too, he'll admit. ]

But as I recall, Mr. Izou had gone down a dark path, didn't he...? Not that there wasn't anything honorable about his chosen profession, no. It's a tough job, much like any other jobs available at the time.

[ IS IT, SHYLOCK, ]

That's true, but it wasn't his idea.

[ ryouma takes a long drink from his glass because he's needs it. ]

When I left Tosa, I never imagined the man he was followin' would ever use him like that. If I had any idea, I woulda asked him t' come with me.

[ despite any attempts not to be obvious, his voice sounds strained when he says it. this is the call he made back then that sealed both their fates. ]

I tried helpin' him find a different job too. I asked him t' guard a very important person and he did! He saved his life! But he ended up goin' back t' that other work anyway...

[ there's really nothing for this. looking back on his own choices — these obvious mistakes in hindsight — he and wishes he could fix it all even though he knows it's impossible. ]

It wasn't his fault. I know it probably sounds real bad, me sayin' that, but the world was a bloody place back then. Izō is far more sensitive than he lets on, so I'm sure he suffered for it. I gave him that sword 'cause I believed in 'im. An' I—... well, he's my best friend. 'Course I care an' want him t' be protected...

[ ryouma's feelings were a complicated mess back then too, but he was too distracted and oblivious about such things at the time to understand that what he was feeling was love.

it was too childish and immature at the time to seem like it, but enough to guide him to decisions like handing over a prized sakamoto family heirloom that had been passed down for generations, because he wanted to give it to izō and no one else. ]

But you're right! Assassins gotta eat too. I wasn't even mad at the ones that came after me back then since they were jus' doin' their jobs.

[ ...okay, there's a lot to digest here. maybe shylock had made him have too much to drink here, if he's able to divulge everything just now. this man has no self-preservation at all, doesn't he? ]

The most wanted man back then, and even now. Now I wonder if fate will ever let you take a breather.

[ HAHAHAHA. haha. haaa. ]

Hizen mentioned something about that. A... friend, or so he had put it. [ so it wasn't a friend after all. at least from an outsider's perspective. ] But you have to remember, Ryouma, that some of these events are out of your control. No matter how much you wish to put a stop to it, other players in the game would want to play however they like.

[ in some cases, it is better to let things play as they are, as opposed to putting a stop to it and risking your life and other's. but it really depends on the situation itself. all in all, there isn't a perfect solution to how things would have played out -- after all, if any of those events hadn't happened, there wouldn't be a history.

it's why he smiles despite the heavy story, and how blase ryouma ended his spiel. ]

But no matter. The way I see it, you truly love them too much. That isn't a bad thing, of course.

[ the drink is a contributing factor but it's more that ryouma would much rather make himself look bad if it meant clearing the air about izō. divulging those parts of the story come easy in that case. ]

Even if fate lets me have a break I won't be finished until I can create a world where everyone can be happy.

[ which at least partly explains why he's so driven to do things around here. ]

"Too much", huh? Ain't havin' too much of somethin' generally considered a bad thing no matter what it is? Too much medicine can be a poison...

[ or having feelings that do you no good when you're alone. ]

[ what an altruistic mindset, shylock muses. even if he'd gotten hate for it from all sides, he'd still push on anyway, albeit in a very stubborn way. a very hizen-like trait, but shylock wonders if it's just an attribute that everyone who lived in tosa possesses.

shylock doesn't mind peace, for the record. but he does thrive in utter chaos, so he'll see how ryouma's plans will come into fruition in the coming months. as the modern kids would say, popcorn dot gif. ]

Not if it's love. You can never have too much of it, and certain people would need it more than others.

[ like hizen, for instance. ]

Have you told them you loved them lately? It might be their only saving grace in this chaotic realm.

[ that is all at the core of what makes ryouma's story interesting and also tragic, considering how his life as a counter guardian has been. it's a lot like chasing a dream that feels impossible to achieve sometimes. at least in hell, there's something like progress. it doesn't feel like an insurmountable challenge somehow.

he wishes he could just go on talking about that and not any of the rest, and this is where he starts letting on more than he'd like. ryouma is great at the big picture stuff and making it all work out in the end. but personal relationships? dealing with people and how they feel? it's just the opposite. ryouma drinks more because, as it's established, that's one tosan trait he definitely possesses — drink to make it hurt less. ]

Whenever I open my mouth around Hizen, it seems like I say the wrong thing. Can't imagine that's what he wants t' hear from me, considerin' what he must think'a me. And with Izō?

[ there's a pause, like he's considering how to word it. he doesn't come up with a very good solution. ]

Yeah, I said what I had t' say, I guess.

[ and every day, he sort of wishes he hadn't because it only reminds him that he's alone, but admitting as much isn't happening. at least, not right now. instead, he smiles because he will act like this doesn't affect him, as he always does. ]

Heh, I think ya better keep these comin'.

[ OPEN ] trust in me

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this notif got eaten sorry!!

it's no prob! o7

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