[ a part of him expected megumi not to entertain this, not going as far as shoving him away in a harsh manner, but at least remind his friend that they had work to do, and it isn't the time to give in to pressure. that boy had his ways of pulling yuuji out of a toxic mindset, often distracting him— but it didn't happen this time.
if his muscles were tensed before, that strain doubled when he felt those hands pull him closer, one settled on his head; fingers brushing through his hair gently. the tone of megumi's voice is oddly soothing, hefty with empathy he knew he isn't deserving of, yet came out genuine. he believed every single word he said, took it to heart, and then with a much heavier exhale, yuuji relaxed, shoulders dropped, and with it— tears rolled down his flustered cheeks.
he could not explain why that was more painful to hear than consoling as it was intended to be? why is he crippled by self-loathing to the point his mind and heart couldn't welcome megumi's words? keen on rejecting them. because it was easier to deflect than take it in, isn't it? he's too afraid of what might happen to him if he finally allowed himself to— grief.
'Thank you ...' he really wished he could say it without falling apart.
yuuji didn't even notice he was biting down on his lower lip, hard enough for it to bleed; another shaky breath pursued, and when his arms returned the gesture, they weren't as gentle. it was a tight embrace, fingers gripping hard into the back of megumi's shirt, slightly pulling the fabric up and exposing some of the skin around his waistline. yuuji didn't speak until he made sure he's calm enough for it. ]
I ... need you to help me.
[ pathetically, he needs to be saved again. once this is over, he will fucking hate himself until no end, but right now? he's desperate, scared, and he's so, so tired of doing this alone. gently, he rests his head against megumi's, voice muffled as he pressed his lips against the other's shoulder. ]
Would you please carry them for me?
[ truth is: it probably won't affect his friend at all. yuuji had been around them for almost a few hours now until they started influencing his mind; the short trip to the enma office would only last a few minutes. he trusts megumi won't suffer like he is. and yet- ]
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if his muscles were tensed before, that strain doubled when he felt those hands pull him closer, one settled on his head; fingers brushing through his hair gently. the tone of megumi's voice is oddly soothing, hefty with empathy he knew he isn't deserving of, yet came out genuine. he believed every single word he said, took it to heart, and then with a much heavier exhale, yuuji relaxed, shoulders dropped, and with it— tears rolled down his flustered cheeks.
he could not explain why that was more painful to hear than consoling as it was intended to be? why is he crippled by self-loathing to the point his mind and heart couldn't welcome megumi's words? keen on rejecting them. because it was easier to deflect than take it in, isn't it? he's too afraid of what might happen to him if he finally allowed himself to— grief.
'Thank you ...' he really wished he could say it without falling apart.
yuuji didn't even notice he was biting down on his lower lip, hard enough for it to bleed; another shaky breath pursued, and when his arms returned the gesture, they weren't as gentle. it was a tight embrace, fingers gripping hard into the back of megumi's shirt, slightly pulling the fabric up and exposing some of the skin around his waistline. yuuji didn't speak until he made sure he's calm enough for it. ]
I ... need you to help me.
[ pathetically, he needs to be saved again. once this is over, he will fucking hate himself until no end, but right now? he's desperate, scared, and he's so, so tired of doing this alone. gently, he rests his head against megumi's, voice muffled as he pressed his lips against the other's shoulder. ]
Would you please carry them for me?
[ truth is: it probably won't affect his friend at all. yuuji had been around them for almost a few hours now until they started influencing his mind; the short trip to the enma office would only last a few minutes. he trusts megumi won't suffer like he is. and yet- ]
... I'm sorry for asking.